Barry: Day One

As Mike Tomlin says, the goal wasn't to get there, there's business to accomplish once we get there. He also says "It's a process" a ton and I guess that applies too. But such is the life for the new President. He didn't run to get to Washington he ran to.....I forget...socialism? Do things, we'll say do things. As his first business day officially opens he's got a lot of things on his plate.

• Meeting with economic advisers to asses the approach and work a way forward. Plan out the spending of the $350 billion congress released and get updated projections on the state and trajectory of the economy.
• After economic meeting slide open bottom drawer on desk to get the Banker's Club vodka you had the staff place there. Take a few shots, stare blankly into space, weep a little. Realize this economic thing is going to consume your Presidency. Make a note to kick George Bush in the shins the next time you see him. When Rahm walks in pretend you weren't crying. He's just imagining things.
• Meet with top national security aides. Go over plans to successfully withdraw from Iraq and increase presence in Afghanistan. Get briefing on our presence and relations with Pakistan and foreign relations in general.
• Hit the bottle again after Gates walks out. Underline note to kick Bush in the shins. Losing ground to the Taliban? Call Harvard see if they have any openings in Law School faculty.
• Lunch. Beanie weenies.
• Field weeping phone call from Harry Reid. He explains how Cornyn forced a floor vote instead of voice vote on Hillary yesterday. Now Hillary lost the vote and after some parliamentary maneuvering from the gardener Mitch McConnell sent down to run the opposition while he was getting a massage, Dick Cheney is now his Secretary of State. He apologizes. There isn't enough vodka in the world.
• Name Middle East envoy, suspend military tribunals at Guantanamo, carefully negotiate that whole Israel thing, referee White House egg-spoon race, overturn ban on US funding for family planning programs that also include abortion, lift ban on embryonic stem cell research, Guitar Hero with Axelrod, break out first use of "I'm dealing with Presidential shit" on the wife, start working up first budget request and State of the Union address.
• Read letter George left you. Call up George, thank him for the note, compliment him on how well the Ziggy cartoon he drew looked like the ones in the papers. The bastard probably traced it. Organize a meet up for lunch in a month or so. Order steel toe boots from Timberland. Prepare for mother of all shin kickings.
• Dinner. Chicken and waffles. Talk to Rahm about racist kitchen staff. Sleep.