Putin laughs at your puny American economy

"Da, does anyone need...two ticket to show of guns?"

The World Economic Forum in Davos is providing many leaders with a platform to hold up a picture of former President Bush, a map of the US, and scream out "I blame them!" Of course they're pretty much right, but really, do you have to be so mean? But one man decided to take it to another level, as he always does. Russian Prime Minister and shadow President Vladimir Putin descended from his mountain fortress, rode into Davos shirtless on his pet tiger Ekaterina, and caught a assassin's bullet meant for Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao with his bare fucking hands. He then spoke, with a booming voice that echoed through the Swiss Alps.

Mr. Putin was characteristically blunt. He called for the development of multiple, regional reserve currencies in addition to the dollar. "Excessive dependence on a single reserve currency is dangerous for the global economy," Mr. Putin said.

The Russian leader mocked U.S. businessmen who he said had boasted at last year's Davos meeting of the U.S. economy's fundamental strength and "cloudless" prospects. "Today, investment banks, the pride of Wall Street, have virtually ceased to exist," he said.
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"The entire economic growth system, where one regional center prints money without respite and consumes material wealth, while another regional centre manufactures inexpensive goods … has suffered a major setback," Mr. Putin said.

It's hard for simple newsprint to convey just how Vladimir the Carpathian mocked Wall Street, but pool reports say he used a high pitched voice, scrunched up his face, and took on the affectations of a crippled little girl. He also created a walk to simulate how Wall Street would walk if it were anthropomorphized and pointed out people he thought were bankers in the audience and offered to wrestle them.

But taking the US dollar out of the reserve system, that's a pretty big gauntlet to throw down, and Putin should know, as he wears stainless steel gauntlets to block wayward sword strikes. That would mean a world of shit for the US economy, because if the world no longer accepts dollars as the world reserve currency, then we won't be able to finance our trade or budget deficit, plus US living standards would drop and maybe massive inflation would happen. I believe in economic terms this would be called 'getting F'd in the A'. Thanks George! So be wary America, not only is Vladimir the great, ravisher of Alaska, laughing at your banker boyfriends, he really wants to stick it in and break it off. Such is the life of a global overlord.