Barry: Deuce

"I can still smell the stench of failure. Have the staff fumigate again!"

The big headline of Huffington Post today is on Obama, it says "FOCUS TODAY: REVERSE BUSH'S FOREIGN POLICIES". Hmmm, tad optimistic I'd say. It might take more than one day to totally undo it Ariana. Maybe a day and a working lunch tomorrow. What did he do yesterday? Halted the military tribunals at Guantanamo, phoned Arab leaders to discuss the Mideast situation, froze salaries for White House senior staff with some added lobbyist restrictions, embraced openness and secrecy, met with military leaders to gab about Iraq withdrawal and hitting reset button on Afghanistan, meeting with economic advisers to discuss stimulus, and retook the oath of office with Chief word stumbler John Roberts....just in case.

As for today?

• Congratulate Hillary on her harrowing 94-2 victory in her Senate confirmation. Wonder if she'll stop harping on about that 17 million voter shit.
• Officially make George Mitchell Middle East envoy. Read Anti_Defamation League boss Abe Foxman criticize Mitchell as too qualified, to even handed, and too fair to be point man for US in Middle East. Get confused and dizzy, sit down, have Rahm come in and explain Jewish people to you again.
• Stand in Blue Room with wife, shake hands of commoners and peasants. Remember to shake hands with everyone, even the ugly ones. Christ there are a lot of ugly ones. Some little shit just wiped his nose on Dolly Madison's duvet cover, where's a Secret Service sniper when you need one? Aren't looking forward to that phone call from the Smithsonian, they probably won't let me sit in the Spirit of St. Louis now.
• Lunch. Eat sammich and look out over little league field. Ask Axelrod how long it'll be till that bastard is plowed under and they can get a B-ball court up in this bitch.
• Sign order closing Guantanamo within the a year. Listen for that shrieking, pinched "Noooooooooooooo!" coming from the direction of Texas. Get briefing from State on how to make eye contact with world leaders again. It's been a while.
• Address State Department at Foggy Bottom. Explain vision for foreign policy and hand out protocols for dealing with the lonely looking Bill Clinton wandering the halls. They've all agreed to ask Bill for his advice on about some fake country and some fake crisis they've concocted every couple of days, make him feel important. He'll be the point man on the Kreplachistan conflict.
• Awards ceremony for egg-spoon race from yesterday, really search desk for hidden compartments and levers that reveal trap doors, work through the L-O section of countries calling to congratulate you, send over a envelope with a photo of you with your feet up on the desk, the stationary that says "From the Desk of The President", and a single bullet to John McCain.
• Dinner. Watermelon. The kitchen staff will die at dawn.