I bet he didn't see that coming

We all know that our investor and stockbroker class are the best and brightest in the world. I mean, they certainly won't stop telling us that. Sure they didn't foresee the problems they were creating, the money they were about to lose, and the economies they were going to toilet, but these people aren't psychics, so their failures can't be held against them.

But what about actual psychic investors? I wonder how they would do in this economic climate.

The SEC has charged Sean David Morton, a self-described "natural psychic, trained Remote Viewer, intuitive consultant, investigative reporter, and accomplished award winning director, screenwriter and film and TV producer," with securities fraud

Morton, who is known as "America's Prophet" allegedly solicited investors through a newsletter in which he claimed, "I have called ALL the highs and lows of the market giving EXACT DATES for rises and crashes over the last 14 years."

C'mon SEC, he foresaw EVERY high and low in the market! EXACT DATES! He has this picture of himself psychoflexing with a giant white cat standing on his shoulders. He runs a "specialized cattery". He wrote, directed and starred in Joe Killionaire. Triple threat! Shouldn't you be hiring him? Why arrest him? Isn't that a stellar enough resume to be allowed to handle and invest millions of dollars?

The SEC charges that Morton and his wife allegedly "diverted at least $240,000 of investor funds" to their Prophecy Research Institute. The SEC complaint charitably refers to that as a "religious organization."

Wait. So it's OK to claim you're a psychic who can foresee market changes, earthquakes, and election results and still be licensed and regulated by the SEC and allowed to take millions to "invest". But so help you God if you take some of that money really smart people have given you and divert into your prophecy research religious arm. Claiming mystical powers is allowed in this country, but you better do some damn fine accounting and bookkeeping to back it up.

So in the end, what is the difference between Morton and any of the financial geniuses who shitted the economy? Uh, he used the phrase "psychic" and gave mystical powers the credit for his nonexistent ability to see the shifts and changes in the market instead of using a phrase like "heuristic market driven analysis" or some other such professional, mathematical sounding authority to claim a nonexistent ability to see the shifts and changes in the market. I also don't think John Thain ever did a Tai-Chi pose with a cat on his shoulders. Oooh, and Morton doesn't have any friends in the Treasury Department, although he does know Adam West and Sting. Also, Morton didn't lose nearly as much money as the non psychic experts, though he will be doing considerably more jail time.

But otherwise? No real difference. Just where, towards what areas, and to what end these men were appropriating their giant balls. Hard to see why it all came toppling down.