GULFPORT—After probably, possibly, almost definitely, maybe refusing the Minnesota Vikings offer to play Quarterback for them this season, NFL legend Brett Favre has pretty much "retired" to a quiet life in his south Mississippi hometown. But as the former MVP reintegrates back into Gulfport, members of the area religious community are becoming increasingly frustrated with Mr. Favre and his indecision regarding the upcoming church bake sale.
“I just wish he’d shit or get off the pot,” said Sister Mary Francis, who is organizing the bake sale to raise money for the new church renovation. “First he’s bringing lemon squares, then snickerdoodles, then he’s not sure whether he’s up for baking anything at all. Now every day he’s calling us with updates, telling us that he’s working up test recipes in his kitchen or whining about how he’s not confident that he’s still got ‘it’ when it comes to lemon squares. Now he’s going on about just buying some Oreo’s and selling those. That’s not how this works. I’m getting tired of his flip-flopping taking up half the church bulletin every week.”
Bake sale members grew even angrier when they heard reports that Favre had been in negotiations to make a Boston Crème Pie for a police raffle in Shreveport. For most, they no longer care that he even brings something; they just want him to, for once in his life, make a concrete decision and stick to it.
“I used to love lemon squares,” one elderly lady was heard to remark. “But now, after all of this nonsense I’m not sure I ever one to see or taste one again. I’m even starting to question what was so great about lemon squares in the first place and if they were ever as good as everyone seemed to think they were.”
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