Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.29

Strong Words From Iran’s Opposition
Look out now, Mousavi and the Iranian opposition are speaking out "more strongly than ever" on the issue of religious thugs hijacking their country and election. This was met with what insiders describe as the Supreme Leader laughing "more harder than ever." This will eventually end with Mousavi being fitted with new & improved shackles that are "more stronger than ever." With the end of the 40 day mourning period for Neda, it looks like this whole thing might kick up again. The American media might even deign to cover it. Unless someone important like Donnie Osmond or MC Hammer dies that is.

Paul Stanley, Tennessee State Senator, Quits After Affair With 22-Year-Old Intern
Release the balloons and streamers from the rafters. This marks the 1000th time a gay bashing, holly rolling, no gay adoptions, moralizing crusader for marriage got caught fucking a staffer. He's going to go "focus on his family", which will no doubt involve many awkward silences and his wife's white hot anger of a thousand suns being focused at the most slittable part of his throat. These Bastards gives Mr. Stanley our thanks. In his honor I will be sending him a commemorative cookie cake in the shape of a man nailing someone who isn't his wife and Sean will stifle his own laughter while perusing the donation page on James Dobson's "Focus on the Family" website.

In a Savings Shocker, the Government Discovers That Paper Has Two Sides
Apparently the government, in a scramble to save money without cutting anything important, has found out that if you print stuff on both sides of paper, don't unnecessarily repaint vehicles, delete unused e-mail accounts, and pack soldiers like sardines into transport planes, you can save a buck or two. The Justice Department didn't know you could print copies on both sides of the paper. To be fair the JD did already save us tons of money by not prosecuting the previous administration for torture, wiretapping, or any other Constitutional violations, so maybe they should be allowed to print on one side of the paper.

Stormy Daniels' Political Advisor May Have Been Hit By Car Bomb: Reports
I think this Louisiana Senate race just got interesting. Not only is moralizing hooker banger running for re-election and being challenged by a famous porn star, that porn star's political adviser just survived a car bombing. Take note Chris Matthews, that's political hardball. Still though, car bombing the political adviser to a porn star? Somebody needs to give Dick Cheney something more productive to do with his free time.

A Rorschach Cheat Sheet on Wikipedia?
A helpful hint to all you TB crazies out there: Wikipedia has the answers to the Rorschach test. So when you're going through your next psych evaluation at your job or trying to throw the FBI off your trail of hobo murdering destruction, you'll know to answer "a pony" on the first card, instead of "the founding fathers laughing at my penis" or "the neighborhood dog, ordering me to kill again."

L.A. City Council considers providing loan for Cirque du Soleil performances
Sure, the promise of money has replaced real money in California and Governor Conan is just hacking things out of the budget, but doesn't the state need to get serious and start thinking about the economic stimulus benefits of bailing out an ultra-gay troupe of French-Canadian acrobats? I thought so.