Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.22

Palin’s Resignation: The Edited Version
Vanity Fair went to the trouble of correcting and editing Sarah Palin's "winner's quit" speech, attempting to make her confused verbiage and half-witted analogies seem coherent and like they were written by someone with a middle school education. Why yes, this is the exact definition of "turd polishing", thanks for asking.

HuffPost's Real Misery Index: Recalculating The Hard Times
Just when you thought there was a corner of the earth where you could hide from economic reality and maybe cry a little inside, the Huffington Post finds another way to make you feel worse about our horrific financial apocalypse: a new misery index. Apparently it says things are shitty. Thanks Ariana, I was almost to hide from reality there for a second.

Liz Cheney Defends Birthers On Larry King (VIDEO)
Wait, so you're telling me that there's a Cheney out there who wants people to believe in a lie and acts in a completely unprincipled manner in an attempt to get people to believe it? Someone get this family in contact with the Human Genome Project so we can find the genetic marker for dishonest amoral soullessness.

Bachmann, Kline oppose public option because it’s ‘cheaper’
This is a new one. Instead of opposing a public health care plan on the grounds that it's socialism or the new vestiges of Obamussolini's fascist revolution (though they do also believe those two things) Michelle Bachmann and a man who thought it was smart to hitch his intellectual wagon to Michelle Bachmann are decrying the public plan because it will...make insurance cheaper by 30%-40% and cover everyone. Uh, thanks for making the argument for us?

Oakland Voters Pass Landmark Pot Tax To Boost City Coffers
*Sniff* this is a big moment for you pot smokers. No longer are you a laughed at subculture, a waste of our police and the feds law enforcement time, or the dancing spinning people at Phish concerts that people wish would stop bumping into them. No, you're now just like everyone else: a subset the government has recognized it can sodomize for tax money. It's a big day. Welcome to the party, Cigarettes are over by the punch bowl and Alcohol is fiddling with the music, go mingle. This must be what it felt like for black people when Obama got elected.