Safety prison

Aww sometimes the bad stuff just keeps happening to the good ones. It seems that Bernie Madoff didn't get accepted into his first choice of prison in New York and had to settle for one of the safety prisons he applied to in North Carolina. I know, how could the Feds be so unkind as to deny a billionaire crook his every whim as he shuffles off to die in prison? It's not all bad, at least he's not going to have to go to one of those "rapey" prisons.

The Butner complex includes a minimum-security federal camp, a low-level security prison, two medium-level facilities as well as a medical facility that specializes in cancer treatment.

At the medium-security facility, built in 1976, inmates are paired into rooms with bunk beds, a desk and a sink, according to a former prison employee. Inmates are assigned to jobs such as landscaping or tutoring.

The facility has a recreation yard, library areas and a canteen where inmates can purchase everything from cookies to wristwatches. Families of inmates can send them money to spend at the canteen. Inmates aren't allowed to use the Internet, but they do have television privileges. Permitted programs are rated PG-13 and lower.

Ugh, not only does he have a roomate, but they have to sleep in bunk beds? No 'R' rated movies? I bet the wait staff isn't up to Madoff's five-star standards either. Well, at least he'll have some use for all those billions he an his wife were able to stash. He'll be big shit in the yard when he's walking around with a pallet full of Oreo's and a cool mil in the canteen account. It's just shame that he has to suffer the indignity of medium security. But apparently if you're sentenced to over 10 years (and 15 times 10 years happens to be over 10 years) or you're in severe danger of becoming the minimum security's version of Schillinger or Adebisi's bitch, you have to be bumped up to medium security and go to a prison with fences.

There's still a chance he could be sent to his first choice pending an appeal where his lawyers argue that being in North Carolina but not being placed near a posh coastal resort constitutes "cruel and unusual" punishment. Maybe it's for the best, if he was in NY many of the people he defrauded still have enough money to afford a bus ticket to hitch a ride up to the prison so they can heap abuse on him in person. If he's in NC, Greyhound's price structure will make most of them unable to make the trip. Silver linings.