What happens to you if you're a right wing Republican, Christian conservative leader, who is not only disgraced by lobbying ties to Jack Abramoff, an aborted attempt to defraud an Indian casino of gambling rights, FEC investigations, and IRS problems, but has made a career out of trying to convince people that their highest service to God is voting Republican? Well first off, nothing bad happens to you, and secondly, you are expected to mentor the next crop of Jesus-exploiting, GOP suckling, future Federal indictees. Such is the life of Ralph "Right Hand of God" Reed and his new Christian Coalition 2.0 movement. Sometimes the good ones really do get a second chance.
In Japan, Machines for Work and Play Are Idle
Want to know how bad things are getting in Japan during the recession? They're actually laying off robots. No bullshit. On Kyushu they're now down to just one robot...that builds other robots. The robotics market is expected to shrink by 40% this year. This is why we need to fear Skynet. I mean a robo-holocaust was bad enough, but what if they're all additionally pissed off about being jobless in addition to being humanity's slaves? They might not even enslave us, they'll just rip us in half and pile out corpses in the streets. I think we know what needs to be done:
Zelaya Issues Ultimatum: 'Reinstate Me Or Else'
This sounds like a great idea: a powerless man demands that the military that deposed him return him to power....or else. It's unclear what the "or else" entails. Or else his body will be riddled by Honduran military issue bullets? Or else he'll unveil his double secret second Honduran military to fight the first one? Or else he'll live out his days in exile? Maybe if he acts mad enough and slams his hand on a desk forcefully, the military will be too scared to ever ask "Or else what?"
The Economy Is Even Worse Than You Think
The Wall Street Journal wants you to feel bad about the economy. I know, there aren't exactly many people jumping into the air and clicking their heels over the economy, but the WSJ wants us all to be clear: everything sucks. Being the Wall Street Journal the list is a tad elitist and right wing. Take for instance #3 "Wait staff feels emboldened enough to make eye contact" and #7 "White day laborers mixed in with the Mexican ones."
Vocal Minority Insists It Was All Smoke and Mirrors
With the 40th anniversary of the moon landing nearly upon us the New York Times is taking it upon themselves to re-live, re interview, and re-cover the story that captivated the world in their series: Our Moon. Astronauts, NASA engineers, average Americans, and let's not forget the most important people: those who think it was all a giant conspiracy. Yes, the forefathers to the 9/11 Truthers: the Moon Truthers. Because what comprehensive retrospective on the moon landing would be complete without a bunch of people in tin foil hats making easily disproved claims getting their chance to yell "Hoax!" one more time? You're making Buzz Aldrin angry NYT, you wouldn't like him when he's angry.
No comments:
Post a Comment