GM all better now

GM wants you to know that the bad times are over. Everything is fixed. They've finished the heavy lifting and packing up, and are just about ready to open up shop in their new digs that they opened five miles down the road, so as to hide from creditors. Everything is copacetic...for now.

The carmaker General Motors began a new era for itself Friday, with its chief executive pronouncing the end of “business as usual” and promising to focus on its customers and vehicles more than ever before.

"We deeply appreciate the support we’ve received during this historic transformation and will work hard to repay the trust and the money that so many have invested in G.M,” the chief executive, Fritz Henderson, said just a couple of hours after the company closed the sale of its good assets to a new, government-backed carmaker.

Good they've jettisoned the bad assets and sold the good ones to New GM. Among the good assets that were sold to GM were two desks that didn't wobble, a box of Bic pens that hadn't been opened, a wrench, an unchipped GM coffee cup, and a coffee machine that was reportedly "still hangin' in there". Everything else was spitefully dumped in Toyota's parking lot and set ablaze.

New GM does have a brilliant strategy whoch they unveiled. According to CEO Fritz Henderson they plan to "design, build and sell the best vehicles in the world." Why didn't they think of that before! Fritz said the plan is to wish for their cars to be the best for a period of two years and if magic wizards or enchanted unicorns fail to intervene, then they'll get to work actually making them better. He also listed the companies priorities, in order, as its customers, its cars and its culture. He's says people are the priority and they plan on making great cars! GM never used to say that in the past, hell no car company would have the balls to make such a bold statement. Though with great plans like those I see no reason why they won't be able to overcome decades of built up mistrust in their name and a swooning car market brought about by global economic calamity. How could they not? They plan on making great cars!