Broken In Brief: New York City to auction naming rights to New York City

NEW YORK--Having shamelessly whored out to Barclays for naming rights to the Atlantic Ave./Pacific St. subway stop in Brooklyn, New York City is now exploring new feats of acrobatic civic rape in an effort to offset a local economy hobbled by the near-collapse of the financial industry. After lining up interested parties for sponsorship of the Manhattan, Brooklyn and Verrazano Narrows bridges, Mayor Bloomberg has begun seeking deep-pocketed suitors for naming rights to the city in its entirety.

Despite its recent mass expenditure, Barclays is rumored to be amongst the bidders for naming rights to the city. It seems that the organization's American taxpayer-funded acquisition of Lehman Brothers last September, as well as its longstanding stake in diversified interests such as Apartheid, illegal international arms dealing, the notoriously violent Mugabe regime of Zimbabwe, and good, old-fashioned money laundering have left it with ample liquidity and a persisting desire to plaster its bloody name all over bloody everything no matter how much it infuriates the very people whose business it is attempting to court.

No company executives made themselves available for comment, although spokesfloozy Marissa Florentine did read from a prepared statement at a press briefing, explaining that this coup would, "crassly extend our brand into the Unites States and hopelessly confuse subway passengers, which has been an endeavor of the utmost importance to Barclays for some time now."

Insiders remain tight-lipped about naming options on the table, should Barclays win what is sure to be a massive bidding war. However, Vegas currently has odds on:

Barclays Presents: New Amsterdam!: 5/2

We Own Your Asses All Over Again City: 5/2

New York, a Subsidiary of Barclays plc: 6/1

Shaftsbury: 7/1

Cuntsville (the vulgar American meaning, not the charming British one): 8/1

Thankswankersburg: 10/1

Unpronounceable logo of a ravenous Queen taking a large bite out of the throat of the Statue of Liberty: 10/1