Broken In Brief: Immigration officials arrest Lou Dobbs on questions of humanity

CNN anchor and xenophobic jackass, Lou Dobbs

EARTH—Immigration officials from the INS have arrested and begun deportation proceedings against CNN host Lou Dobbs over questions surrounding the TV and radio personality's status as a member of the human race. While Dobbs maintains a New Jersey residence and claims to have been born in Texas, the INS is reporting the discovery of evidence suggesting he is actually a native of the planet Vogsphere and therefore an undocumented immigrant.

This initial immigration sweep is part of the government’s newly unveiled Turnabout Is Fair Play (TIFP) initiative, wherein right-wing blowhards are subjected to the kinds of hearsay, fear mongering, half-assed conspiracies, deluded accusations, lack of intellectual rigor, and factual wastelands that they traditionally inflict upon the growing constituencies of their political enemies.

The evidence, first discovered on the internet and immediately dismissed as lunacy, claims that Dobbs is one of several alien Vogon agents posing as public figures while gathering intelligence on Earth and its people in preparation for the planet's complete destruction in order to make room for an interstellar highway. The documents go on to explain that Dobbs was cast out of Vogon society when, in 2006, the plump, pandering populist publicly distanced himself from the Republican Party. Nevertheless, he continues to monitor and occasionally influence news media.

TIFP team members were reportedly ecstatic at the revelation of this fraudulent material because it allowed them to charge Dobbs with being an illegal immigrant, a section of society the corpulent ape has railed against for years. What they were most excited about was the added benefit of charging him with being the member of a fictional species from a fictional solar system from a series of science fiction comedy novels, so as to more completely make a sarcastic point about the nature of his criticisms about President Obama’s country of origin.

Lawyers for Dobbs, who is said to be working on his third volume of poetry, did not return calls for comment on these charges.