Broken In Brief: Office janitor doesn't mind, really

YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT--Despite what you may think, the janitor at your office doesn't mind cleaning up after your sloppy, childish, inconsiderate ass. Really.

Sources close to the janitor, 58, who for years has been plagued by an aching back and trick knee, suggest that he actually finds it quite humorous when you don't bother to bend over and pick up the paper towel that didn't quite make it into the bathroom wastebasket. More over, he considers it something of a privilege to scrape unidentified food products off of the inside of the microwave, knowing full well that a simple swipe of a napkin while the contents were still warm would have saved him plenty of trouble.

In a brief, candid interview with TheseBastards, the janitor reiterated his commitment to compensating for your staggering lack of maturity and basic human decency. "I mean after all, this is what I get paid minimum wage to do. No need for the precious college graduates at this company to partake in manual labor. Really it's my fault I'm in this position. I should have theoretically studied harder, or so I've heard them opine."

"Every time I pick up a stack of folders and find a moldy cracker, or have to clean spilled coffee out a five-foot filing cabinet, I tell myself I'm just happy to contribute in any way I can," said the janitor, who then went back to watching child pornography on your office computer.