Monday, December 15, 2008

Broken In Brief: Drunk thinks you should back the fuck... off

YOUR FACE--Without pausing to consider the appropriateness of the comment or the repercussions of his actions, that drunk guy has decided you need to back the fuck off before something bad happens. He came to this conclusion after five boilermakers buffered by Jager bombs, plus that Prairie Fire the bartender goaded him into drinking.

Initial reports indicate that the man outweighs you by at least thirty pounds and has a nose suggesting he is no stranger to barroom violence. However, the pause inserted between "fuck" and "off" was not for effect but rather an involuntary attempt to hold back vomit. Your friends, having noticed this, are starting to think you should tell the guy to-- oops, guess you were too busy thinking to notice that pool cue coming in across your left temple. The blow drops you to the floor like a paper bag full of cold dog shit and you find yourself struggling to remember your own name.

"Now what, you sissy fucking bitch motherfucker?" Commented the drunk as he began laying kicks into your ribs. "Look at me again! Look at me again!"

With the pain resonating down through the side of your face and the blood beginning to pool between your cheek and the floor, sources say discretion, in this case, might have been the better part of valor.

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