Your "Bush was awesome" talking points

In case you were wondering how to best sum up the 8 years of Bush rule without swearing, ranting, or burning that awesome Bush puppet you made, the Administration has gone to the trouble of printing up a list of talking points so you can spin their "accomplishments" in the best light.

A two-page memo that has been sent to Cabinet members and other high-ranking officials offers a guide for discussing Bush's eight-year tenure during their public speeches.

Titled "Speech Topper on the Bush Record," the talking points state that Bush "kept the American people safe" after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, lifted the economy after 2001 through tax cuts, curbed AIDS in Africa and maintained "the honor and the dignity of his office."

The document presents the Bush record as an unalloyed success.

This should be especially handy for all those Administration officials who draw a blank when asked to remember one positive thing this President did. Though there are a couple of...let's call them mistakes. Sure Bush did keep the country safe after 9/11, you just have to wipe those anthrax attacks from your mind (done and done) and forget all those hornet's nests he walloped with a big stick. I'm sure those won't ever come back to haunt us. "Lifted the economy"? Yeah, not the best time to mention Bush's economic legacy, which is only a sarcastically named tenement village away from being Hoover's equal. Let's face it, we all also have different definitions of the words 'honor' and 'dignity'. Mine are the dictionary definitions of honor and dignity, Bush's seem to reference some alternate reality where incompetence, failure, the complete politicization of every action, and burning every thing you touch are seen as esteemed virtues.

But these are easy shots to make. I mean completely blocking out reality and presenting your universally reviled accomplishments as staggering success is a kind of mental gymnastics and triumph over ethics that deserve applause. Furthermore, any administration official that can spew out these talking points without dry heaving or bleeding from the ears has won a sort of mental "always been at war with Eurasia" victory over their own perceptions. That's worth a bullet point on this sheet.