Russian Christmas

Maybe you want that new fandangled iPod with the clicky wheel, or some damn bloop blorp video games with the horrible violence, or some lame shit like peace and love, or to not have syphilis anymore. Maybe you're a traitor to this country and it's Judeo-Christian founding and are worshiping the eight candle God or whatever the hell that's all about. But I know what we all wanted this Christmas: for Vladimir Putin to challenge our President-Elect by buying 70 new nukes while doing the Charleston on expiring treaties.

Russia is to increase sharply its production of strategic nuclear missiles, throwing down the gauntlet to the US president-elect, Barack Obama, who would have to deal with the Kremlin's response to US missile defence plans in Europe.

A senior government official in Moscow said the Russian military would commission 70 strategic missiles over the next three years. It was unclear whether sea-launched ballistic missiles were included in this figure, but military experts said it could represent up to a fourfold increase on the rate of production of land-based intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs).

The missiles would be part of a £95bn defence procurement package for 2009-2011, said Vladislav Putilin, a deputy head of the Russian cabinet's military-industrial commission in charge of weapons industries. Russia has produced only five to seven Topol-M ICBMs a year since the late 1990s and its stockpiles of several hundred heavy Soviet-era missiles such as the SS-19 Stiletto are rapidly reaching the end of their lifespan.

How much do you want to bet Vladislav Putilin is Vladimir Putin, but with a big phony mustache and a bowler hat as a disguise? But it's nice that Russia says it doesn't want to get left behind in a new nuclear arms race. I didn't know that we were in a new nuclear arms race, but there you have it, we are and we're behind. Merry Christmas, it's the Cold War!