Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas off, moved to June

'Jesus was born in June', astronomers claim
They found that a bright star which appeared over Bethlehem 2,000 years ago pinpointed the date of Christ's birth as June 17 rather than December 25.

The researchers claim the 'Christmas star' was most likely a magnificent conjunction of the planets Venus and Jupiter, which were so close together they would have shone unusually brightly as a single "beacon of light" which appeared suddenly.

If the team is correct, it would mean Jesus was a Gemini, not a Capricorn as previously believed.
See, not only is it factual that Jesus was born, we now have the exact date. Alright, I know this changes our perceptions of Christmas forever. No more winter wonderlands, it's the sweltering heat of summer for our ritualistic gift exchange. Unfortunately this June 17th date will result in the movement of National Eat Your Vegetables Day and possibly National Fudge Day and International Picnic Day. But good news fudge covered vegetable and picnic lovers, December 25th just opened up. That is if the pagans don't want their holiday back. Does anyone still celebrate the feast of the Son of Isis? We are going to keep all the pagan rituals we stole for Christmas, you can't have any of those. Yule logs, gift giving, and blockheaded kids in yellow sweaters with zig zag lines on it are ours now, but you can have the day back.

Also, it says it happened in 2 BC, soooo it's actually 2006. Uh, constitutionally I'm not sure if this means Bush gets another two years or all the dates for everything get moved back two years.

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