Friday, December 5, 2008

Broken In Brief: Clinton to be replaced by three people in one oversized suit

ALBANY--With Hillary Clinton vacating her Senate seat to become Secretary of State, attention has centered on which New York politician will be named to replace her. Seeking to squash this speculation and any impending jockeying for the position, Governor David Patterson has announced that instead of one person replacing Senator Clinton, three people will replace her while dressed in a comically large suit that will house all of them for the duration of the term. Those three people will be attorney and editor Caroline Kennedy, NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, and Yankees Outfielder Hideki Matsui.

"Clearly with so many qualified people wanting this position I feel I had to come up with a compromise that worked best for the state," said Governor Patterson in a statement to the press. "I think housing two of the brightest legacy hire minds in the state along with the opposite-field power that has enthralled two nations inside one overly large piece of clothing will provide New York with the clout it so richly deserves."

When asked about the legality of the plan the Governor responded, "Of course it's legal. As long as they agree to go with one name, say Androline Matsuomo or Hidrew Cuoneddy, it's completely copacetic. People forget the William Howard Taft was one midget on another midget's shoulders. Except that the bottom midget was wearing a barrel. I am confident this nomination will pass."

Sources close to the three new Senator say they have accepted the proposal to rule jointly inside a large blue wool Versace three-button with a red tie. While terms at this point are preliminary, the Senator(s) will allegedly vote based on a 2/3rd's majority within the suit and will each speak every third word when giving speeches, while for interviews, one head will be designated to speak by coin flip. The new Senator hopes to be able to make a formal acceptance speech later next week.

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