What to fear next

Now that health care has passed what are we supposed to fear? I'm sure the general icy black hand of socialism is a given, but what specifically? In the run-up it was the grim spectre of death panels. But here we are a few weeks past the bill's passage and both of my grandmothers are still up and kicking. I'm neck deep in grandmothers and it looks like there's nary a government sponsored plan to ice them. We were lied to.

Surely we can't be done with being afraid of health reform, can we? I saw the rage people tried to gin up about the IRS, flying planes into offices and such, but it didn't seem like their crazy heart was in it. There has to be some other nefarious plans hidden within the depths of this health reform bill that was some unconscionable number of pages. Something that can be compared to Nazism. Wait, I have an idea that combines the nascent IRS fear mongering, classic health care panic, and liberal doses of Godwin's Law. Someone get me Newt Gingrich!

GINGRICH: I believe one of the biggest issues in September and October will be 16,000 IRS agents and I suspect every Republican candidate will campaign on a promise to cut off all funding in January for the 16,000 IRS agents. You don’t need a health Gestapo in the United States. And I think the Democrats are going to be faced with a real decision, do they really want to campaign in September, October favoring 16,000 more IRS agents to enforce the health law? And what does it tell you about a health law so complicated that you need 16,000 government policemen? It’s sort of creating a brand new health police.

That's right, in the murky depths of the health care bill, comrade Obama has empowered the IRS to be some sort of health care Gestapo that... polices... your health.... care. Or something. I'm not really following what they'll do, but I'll be damned if it isn't sinister, ominous, and should be accompanied by some sort of Bond-style arch-evil music or perhaps the dulcet tones of Richard Wagner.

You know, I can feel that warm sensation of impotent rage in my gut. This feels good. It had left me these last few weeks and I was considering going to a doctor to see if there was anything I could do to get it fixed, but I was too worried my coverage might be better and my bill might be cheaper so I stayed away.

Sure, raging against the IRS is sort of the hack material someone should get to after his bit on women drivers, gittin' 'er done, and why they should make the entire plane out of the black box, but it just feels right. I think it can get me through the summer and into the election period without making me stop to think about how ridiculous it sounds. Thanks, Newt.