Santorum: Now with tea leaves added to the froth

This weekend the country was subjected to more tea party rallies. Why? As best I can guess: so that the Republicans who couldn't get away from their lobbying jobs on Thursday would have a chance to stump for the cause of freedom... teadom. Case in point, Rick Santorum, last seen hilariously losing to a human sleeping pill by 18 points.

True to tea party form, Santorum stuck to grandiose claims about the importance of teabaggers and let the crazy fly when referencing King Hussein Obama X of Mombasa.

"Now it's a different kind of war. Instead of the Japanese dropping a bomb on Pearl Harbor, Barack Obama has assaulted the soul of America," he said. "And it's our watch."
...
"What did you do during this critical time in the future of this country?" "I'm not asking you to charge a beach with guns lined up against you. I'm not asking you to sacrifice anything except for some of your time, some of your energy, and some of your money, to strike a blow for freedom."

Look Rick, I know you don't live around here... or in Pennsylvania at all, but let me clue you in to a little fact about Western PA: we're cool with assault the first time it happens. Hey maybe there was some contact between Obama and freedom, but from the sounds of it things were consensual. Plus, what with these tea party demonstrations and pleas for money, it seems that freedom is only interested in cash and attention. Then there are these multiple stories of how Obama assaulted freedom; from ramming health care down freedom's throat to bailing out banks to being a Muslim, that I just don't know if we can believe freedom's allegations.

However, if this happens a second time.... well... Western PA will certainly be demanding Obama's trade. Possibly to Canada for a 5th round pick.

Surely it wasn't all third rate war and rape allegory. Surely there had to be good news to spread.

As Mr. Santorum was introduced, some chanted "2012," urging him to run for president. In an interview afterward, Mr. Santorum said only that he wants to have an impact on the race, as a candidate or otherwise.

"I'm considering it, but it's way too premature to make any decisions at this point," he said about a possible White House run.

Oh please baby Jesus, tell me that the 2012 battle for the soul of the Republican party is going to be waged by Santorum, Huckabee, Palin, Bachmann, and Newtie. I know they'll televise it, but at podiums on a stage doesn't seem to befit the majesty of such an event. Perhaps there's an open sewer pit that can be rented out. Perhaps one that has been tainted with radioactive waste. Then they can battle it out for the GOP nomination with some irradiated alligators and whoever wins, be it man, woman, or gator, will have the atomic mutations necessary to beat Barry in an election that ACORN surely will have spent years rigging.

Stop considering it, Rick. Run!