Friday, April 9, 2010


Former disgraced House Speaker and small salamander namesake Newt Gingrich has had a tough time over the last few months. He's still egotistical and deluded enough that he thinks the country is clamoring for a Gingrich Presidency, so in turn he has to keep himself on the public eye. To that end he has taken to a slightly schizophrenic method of trying to keep his name out there, alternately trying to come off as not one of those crazy Palin-esque nutbag right wingers to the general public and as trying to come off as the King of the crazy Palin-esque nutbag right wingers to the GOP base. It's a tough tightrope to walk, especially when you have no principles.

So yesterday Newt was at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans. Among the notable things was the inability of anyone there to actually mention Hurricane Katrina. As an aside, what do you think were the main bullet points in the presentation on Southern Republican "leadership"? I'm guessing "crazy it up a little, a black guy is in office", "try not to be too racist, a black guy is in office", and "don't fuck mistresses in Argentina". Anyway Newt got up there to remind everyone what they were up against.
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, a potential presidential candidate in 2012, called Barack Obama on Thursday "the most radical president in American history" who oversees a "secular, socialist machine."
"The most radical president in American history has now thrown down the gauntlet to the American people: 'I run a machine. I own Washington and there's nothing you can do about it,'" Gingrich said. He urged his fellow Republicans to stop what he called Obama's "secular, socialist machine."
I was going to come up with some snark about Newt and his statement, but then our crack research staff uncovered something that proved his declaration that Obama was the most radical President in US history:

I think we all have to agree... that's pretty fucking radical! Maybe even tubular, stoked, bodacious, bitchin', boss, primo, or something that makes you say 'cowabunga' while doing some air guitar.

It's just a shame Obama couldn't be photographed catching air on his own branded line of skateboards.

So yeah, Obama is definitely the most radical goddamn President in US history. Unless someone finds a picture of Teddy Roosevelt jumping 20 school buses on a red, white, and blue motorcycle. Good call, Newt. I'm not sure about the "secular, socialist machine" part, but if that machine has giant claw hands, tank treads, the face of a mechanical dragon, rocket thrusters, and shoots lasers, well, I think Obama has the radical thing all sewed up.

No comments: