Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Things you don't want to hear the military say

There are things you don't want to hear the military say. Things like "Sorry we accidentally killed all those civilians", "Sorry we purposely killed all those civilians", "I just read a Glenn Beck book, who wants to start a Tea Bag militia with actual soldiers?", "I found the pin, but where's the grenade?", or "Anyone seen a large nuclear bomb shaped object lying around... perhaps with a southern man in a cowboy hat riding it... no?".

How about "we foresee a severe oil crisis that will drive up prices drastically as demand outstrips supply and further compounds large scale economic problems" and notes that they're going to be operating and planning for the future under these projections?
The US military has warned that surplus oil production capacity could disappear within two years and there could be serious shortages by 2015 with a significant economic and political impact.

The energy crisis is outlined in a Joint Operating Environment report from the US Joint Forces Command. ... "By 2012, surplus oil production capacity could entirely disappear, and as early as 2015, the shortfall in output could reach nearly 10 million barrels per day," says the report, which has a foreword by a senior commander, General James N Mattis.

It adds: "While it is difficult to predict precisely what economic, political, and strategic effects such a shortfall might produce, it surely would reduce the prospects for growth in both the developing and developed worlds. Such an economic slowdown would exacerbate other unresolved tensions, push fragile and failing states further down the path toward collapse, and perhaps have serious economic impact on both China and India."
Well.... goody gumdrops. Bonus points to a Mad Max apocalypse scenario. Now I know I won't look like an ass for armoring up my dune buggy and creating an array of fearsome costumes and masks.

I know you might be thinking "Well that's just the military and blarg blarg conspiracy raaargh no blood for oil", but if there's one thing that the US military takes seriously it's their ability to wage war and massive oil shortages fuck with their ability to wage war. On the bright side they're talking about 2015 and by then we'll probably have all that coastal offshore oil drilled out by then.

Sunshine and smiles everyone. Start hoarding gas and take lessons on how to subdue a school-bus full of gas, crossbow wielding rebels, and feral children with a Dodge Charger and a few thrill seeking minions.

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