Oh you didn't know about the breathing tax, did you?

From the RNC comes this extra-crazy bit of reactionary paranoia. The black man knows where you keep your money! He's coming to take it! Taxes! Fuck your wheelchairs! Gesundheit tax! Breathing taxes! IRS agents multiplying like Agent Smith in the Matrix! Cats and dogs living together and getting taxed!



I'd tell you to take a few deep breaths and relax, but I don't know if you can afford the extra money you'd have to pay out to Obama's IRS Airstapo. Plus there's that whole Relaxation Tax too. But I've said too much, I'll probably have to pay the Revealing Too Much Sinister Information Tax.

In any event, as the ad implores you: give to the RNC. They really need the cash to put together a kick-ass lesbian bondage and stripper party. Gotta spend money to make money!

What to fear next

Now that health care has passed what are we supposed to fear? I'm sure the general icy black hand of socialism is a given, but what specifically? In the run-up it was the grim spectre of death panels. But here we are a few weeks past the bill's passage and both of my grandmothers are still up and kicking. I'm neck deep in grandmothers and it looks like there's nary a government sponsored plan to ice them. We were lied to.

Surely we can't be done with being afraid of health reform, can we? I saw the rage people tried to gin up about the IRS, flying planes into offices and such, but it didn't seem like their crazy heart was in it. There has to be some other nefarious plans hidden within the depths of this health reform bill that was some unconscionable number of pages. Something that can be compared to Nazism. Wait, I have an idea that combines the nascent IRS fear mongering, classic health care panic, and liberal doses of Godwin's Law. Someone get me Newt Gingrich!

GINGRICH: I believe one of the biggest issues in September and October will be 16,000 IRS agents and I suspect every Republican candidate will campaign on a promise to cut off all funding in January for the 16,000 IRS agents. You don’t need a health Gestapo in the United States. And I think the Democrats are going to be faced with a real decision, do they really want to campaign in September, October favoring 16,000 more IRS agents to enforce the health law? And what does it tell you about a health law so complicated that you need 16,000 government policemen? It’s sort of creating a brand new health police.

That's right, in the murky depths of the health care bill, comrade Obama has empowered the IRS to be some sort of health care Gestapo that... polices... your health.... care. Or something. I'm not really following what they'll do, but I'll be damned if it isn't sinister, ominous, and should be accompanied by some sort of Bond-style arch-evil music or perhaps the dulcet tones of Richard Wagner.

You know, I can feel that warm sensation of impotent rage in my gut. This feels good. It had left me these last few weeks and I was considering going to a doctor to see if there was anything I could do to get it fixed, but I was too worried my coverage might be better and my bill might be cheaper so I stayed away.

Sure, raging against the IRS is sort of the hack material someone should get to after his bit on women drivers, gittin' 'er done, and why they should make the entire plane out of the black box, but it just feels right. I think it can get me through the summer and into the election period without making me stop to think about how ridiculous it sounds. Thanks, Newt.

Stay classy, Stevesy

Steve King (R-IA), sometimes know as the House GOP's other crazy congressman named King, hates his ass some IRS. And who could disagree with him. I mean they just take our money and give it to the government to spend on things like roads, defense, and other such things a government does. Who came up with this idea? The IRS sucks! Also the DMV is slow and why can't the airlines give us a bigger bag of peanuts, amirite?

But considering that whole thing where a fringe lunatic rammed his airplane into an IRS building in a bloody, fiery explosion of short-sighted, petty, and murderous spite, you'd think that maybe a certain IRS hating congressman would want to tone down his rhetoric just a tad. Well, that's why you don't have the smarts to get elected in Iowa's 5th District.

KING: I think if we’d abolished the IRS back when I first advocated it, he wouldn’t have a target for his airplane. ... It’s sad the incident in Texas happened, but by the same token, it’s an agency that is unnecessary and when the day comes when that is over and we abolish the IRS, it’s going to be a happy day for America.

TP: So some of his grievances were legitimate?

KING: I don’t know if his grievances were legitimate, I’ve read part of the material. I can tell you I’ve been audited by the IRS and I’ve had the sense of ‘why is the IRS in my kitchen.’ Why do they have their thumb in the middle of my back.

It's sad and all, but he sympathizes with a terrorist. The IRS, who do they think they are investigating discrepancies in tax filings?

But while someone might think that saying something like that while bodies and a building are still smoldering is a touch indelicate, isn't smart, and that staffers somewhere would be imminently yelling at their boss to just shut the fuck up already, well, again, that's why he's in the House and you're sitting there in your house.

During his closing remarks [at CPAC], King veered into a complaint about high taxes, and said he could "empathize" with the man who flew a plane into an IRS building last week.

During the question and answer session, the Media Matters staffer asked King to clarify his comment, reminding him of his sworn duty to protect the American people from all sworn enemies, foreign and domestic. In response, said the staffer, King gave a long and convoluted answer about having been personally audited by the IRS, and ended by saying he intended to hold a fundraiser to help people "implode" their local IRS office.

Don't you understand that this man was audited! Audited! A US Congressman, one of the most honest subset of people of earth. On earth! That's why we need to implode the IRS. Implode, which I'll note is a totally classy suggestion and not at all as offensive as using the word explode.

So congrats to Iowa's Steve King. You took a right wing terrorist attack against the government that resulted in dead Americans and tried to spin it into right wing street cred by repeatedly announcing your empathy for a terrorist, announcing how you sympathized with his motives (I still can't get over the fucking gall of that audit), and noting how you wanted to organize citizens to take further action against the IRS, though probably not with airplane attacks. How nicely offensive of you. The IRS sucks, don't let any terrorist attack, basic human decency, tact, or common sense momentarily sway you from that crusade. Stay classy.