And Don't Forget to Remove ALL the Green M&Ms

By now you've likely come to understand the real reason Sarah Palin quit the Alaskan governorship: Straight cash, homey. Also, as Andrew Sullivan pointed out yesterday, making bank carries more weight in today's conservative movement than, say, successfully running a state government.

But what of the perks? One assumes Palin has access to all the warm pig bellies for her aching feet that she'd like. But thanks to a group of dumpster diving California State University students, we now have a more comprehensive list of what, exactly, Palin expects should she grace your rally/university/gun club with her presence.

SACRAMENTO, Calif. – A document fished out of a California state university trash bin last week has prompted a state investigation into the university's foundation arm and its refusal to disclose details related to Sarah Palin's upcoming speech at the school.

[...]

The contract detailed the former Alaska governor's requirements for her visit, including first-class flights from Anchorage to California — if she flies commercial. If not, "the private aircraft MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger ...," the contract specifies.

Also specified in the contract:

• Palin also must be provided with a suite and two single rooms in a deluxe hotel.
• During her speech, her lectern must be stocked with two water bottles and bendable straws.
• Questions, if allowed, must not include words with more than three syllables.
• No questions.
• Mentioning the act of reading a newspaper warrants removal from the event.
• All markers used for scrawling talking points on Palin's hand must be water-soluble.
• No darkies.