CBS has got a hold of
the black box audio recording of the pilots who safely landed the plane in the Hudson. Right now so many people are trying to listen to it that it kind of crashed the audio player they have, so I've decided to provide a partial transcript.
Pilot 1: Alright tower, we're in the air.
Pilot 2: You're going to want to look out for that huge flock of geese over there, maybe pull up a little.
Pilot 1: Shut the fuck up Johnson, shit like that is why you're a co-pilot and not a pilot.
Pilot 2: But sir, the engines...
Pilot 1: 'But sir'. You sound like a fucking woman. These are jet engines. JET ROCKET FUCKING ENGINES! I'll tear these birds up. Who can fly now, animal kingdom? FUCK THESE GEESE! FUCK THESE GEESE! FUCK THESE GEESE!
Pilot 2: Engine 2 is out and it's also on fire.
Now from right before the water landing.
Pilot 2: Don't you think we should get this plane over to LaGuardia for an emergency landing? It's very close, I think we can make it.
Pilot 1: Johnson, I swear to God if you don't give me all the money in your wallet I will smash this plane into a building!
Pilot 2: What the hell is wrong with you?
Pilot 1: Your mother is half Pakistani, they'll just assume you overpowered me on orders from bin Laden. They'll never suspect me, I'm a white man! Your money! NOW!
Pilot 2: Here you fucking lunatic, now try and make it over to LaGuardia.
Pilot 1: Fuck that shit, it's hero time! WAAAAAAAAAATER LAAAAAAANDING! Put on your hip waders Johnson and call my press agent, it's time for a dip.
The audio cuts out after that. Truly a heroic moment.
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