Above: Jindal shakes hands with his head speechwriterBATON ROUGE--In delivering the GOP response to President Obama's first address to a joint session of Congress last night, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal stressed his party's commitment to a new era of personal responsibility, limited government, and a seeming inability to acknowledge blatant contradictions at the core of his political philosophy.
Jindal opened his response by recounting his immigrant parents' ceaseless optimism and belief that "Americans can do anything," before accusing the institutional manifestation of their collective will of being unable to do anything.
Slipping into the boilerplate Republican argument that government has never accomplished any public good in all of recorded history, ever, Jindal assailed the President's assertion that the country can be righted by collective action directed at the nation's biggest problems. The governor then proclaimed, "Americans can do anything. When we pull together, there's no challenge we can't overcome."
Jindal continued, "Nothing is out of our reach, so long as we work together from a safe distance and refrain from providing federal funding for publican education, scientific research, or infrastructure improvement. To engage in such pluralism would undermine the very individualistic ethos upon which this country's founding fathers, in a historic moment of unity, compromise, and self-sacrifice, first launched this great Ship of State."
This reporter was unable to pose follow-up questions, as he was still striking himself between the eyes with a cudgel at press time.
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