Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Broken In Brief: Area officer unable to decide what TV or movie cop he's most like

ATLANTA--Area police officer Kevin Sanderson, a patrolman from the 14th district, was distracted from completing any work today as his thoughts about which TV or movie cop he most resembled wound up occupying all available brain space. Despite the pleas from his shift commander to go out and arrest someone and declarations from his partner that he was, "whatever one was the gayest," officer Sanderson was unable to complete any of his assigned duties and was still perplexed as he left the station at the end of his shift.

"I mean there was that one time I recklessly chased that dealer through the city streets in my car, so maybe I'm like Popeye Doyle. Or was that in Bullitt? Maybe both. Of course the dealer was a minority and after I shot him I made a sarcastic reference, so maybe I'm like Dirty Harry," a confused Sanderson was head to utter. "Everyone tells me I'm fat and racist.....Sipowicz? I'm estranged from my family and Alan Rickman has hated me ever since I administered a full body cavity search at the Atlanta premiere of Dogma, so maybe I'm like John McClane. Wait, which one was Starsky and which was Hutch? McNulty? Ponch? Do FBI movies count? Forget it."

Sanderson vowed to go home, IMDB cop movies and shows, and "...really diagram this shit out" in an attempt to add some vain meaning to his otherwise dull existence. He hopes that this exercise, while seemingly fruitless, will somehow make his low test scores, recent demotion for an unexplained discharge of his firearm, poor hygiene, and inability to pass the detective exam more palatable if he can fictionalize his existence as exactly like a movie he admires, instead of one filled with mundane traffic stops, domestic disturbance calls, and all that paperwork.

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