Wednesday, February 18, 2009

GM and Chrysler need free money

Automakers Seek $14 Billion More in Aid
The price tag for bailing out General Motors and Chrysler jumped by another $14 billion Tuesday, to $39 billion, with the two automakers saying they would need the additional aid from the federal government to remain solvent.

In return, the two companies also promised to make further drastic cuts to all parts of their operations, in the hope that they can eventually strike a balance between their bloated cost structures and a dismal market for new car sales.

G.M., for example, said it would cut 47,000 more of its 244,000 workers worldwide; close five more plants in North America, leaving it with 33; and cut its lineup of brands in half, to just four: Chevrolet, Cadillac, GMC and Buick.
Maybe I'm crazy, but instead of spending $40 billion on two terrible car companies, can't we use that money to start like 4 new car companies? They don't even have to be good, I'd take 4 mediocre car companies. They could even use GM and Chrysler's old plants and even make the same cars, just with different logos. Schmeneral Schmotors and Schmeysler. Make Richard Wagoner wear a fake mustache and do an accent. That way we could at least pretend we're not just throwing money away on old companies that have been failing since the eighties.

Also, not only do we give them $40 billion, they cut an extra 47,000 jobs. How generous of them, perhaps we can give them more and they can sodomize us while they put sugar in our gas tanks. Now they did qualify that with the "worldwide" caveat, so maybe we'll luck out and 47,000 Indonesians will hit the bread lines. Fingers crossed. At the very least $40 billion should buy 47,000 US jobs. At the very least GM might have lucked out, we've just given away so much money in the past week that Congress might look at $40 billion and go "I thought you were going to ask for some real bailout sized money, take this forty bil and buy yourselves something nice" before slipping a wad of cash into Robert Nardelli's thong and patting him on the ass.

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