We are victorious!!

I am back! It was a harrowing few hours since the combined Zombie, CHUD, and Illuminati attacks rendered most of the South Hills, nay Allegheny County, nay the entire Rust Belt without power. But we banded together as a people, organized, fashioned crude stabbing implements, and used all those guns we had to fight the coalition of interlopers and eradicate them completely, restoring power.......and sanity to the world. We have prevented the Zombie spread, banished the CHUD's back underground, and have captured many of the dinosaurs the Illuminati members were using as mounts. You may view them in our Zoos of Victory.

All it means is this: order has been restored. Go about you lives as if this never happened. I already see the corporate media is covering up any mention of this titanic struggle from it's airwaves. I'll bet they'll say a tree hit a power line or a hobo jumped onto a transformer and shorted it out with his fried hobo corpse. We know the truth. We know what happened. We have the battle scars.

You're welcome.