Saturday, February 21, 2009


In a baffling decision, not only did the US Mint decide to keep making pennies, which no one needs and cost more to make than they are worth, but to spruce them up with depictions of Abe Lincoln's life. Pictured are the log cabin he grew up in, reading on a log with his trusty skull bashing mallet at his side, posing for a statue outside the Illinois capitol, and the unfinished US capitol, which was unfinished either because Lincoln destroyed it for laughs or because he was the one who finished building it with his own goddamn bare hands.

The pennies are being put into circulation for Abe's 200th birthday celebration. How about we find another way to honor him, like not making him be on the most useless piece of metal in the US. Maybe have him with his arm around Sacajawea and flashing the peace sign on the dollar coin, or giving Franklin a noogie on the $100, or maybe put two Lincoln's on the five, high fiving. Maybe the second Lincoln is copper colored and they're high fiving because he's finally moved on up off of the penny, I'll let the Mint figure that one out.

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