Finally, some good news

After three months, billions of dollars spent on PR campaigns (with a little on oil cleanup as well), unprecedented media blackouts, and a couple of charred whales, BP has finally gotten around to capping that gushing plume of black death that was turning, whoops... TURNED, the Gulf into an open oil pit. Commence mild celebrations that things from this point forward can no longer get much worse.

BP said on Friday the early test results on its recently capped undersea well were heartening and there were no signs of fresh oil leaks, as the stricken well in the Gulf of Mexico held tight overnight and into the morning.

Kent Wells, a senior vice president at BP, told reporters on a conference call that the pressure inside the well had built up steadily, as engineers had hoped it would, and that engineers would continue to perform different analyses and scour video feeds from cameras to look for any underground leaks.
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The oil stopped flowing from the well around 2:25 p.m. Thursday when the last of several valves was closed on a cap that the company installed at the top of the well last week, Mr. Wells said. Earlier in the week, Mr. Wells said that the longer the test continued, the better, because it would indicate that the pressure inside the well was holding and that the well bore was intact. On Friday morning, the live video feeds from nearly a mile undersea showed no burbling geyser of oil and gas — only cloudy blue waters and white specks floating across the screen.

Well done. What's the old saying? If you give a Brit 90 days and billions of dollars, he'll eventually be able to do something that would have seemed like the obvious solution months ago? I might be paraphrasing.

Though really, at this point, I wouldn't put it past BP to have rigged up a dummy site underwater and a fake feed showing no oil flowing. Then while everyone celebrates, they cancel their P.O. box, pack everything up, and move their offices five miles down the road. By the time we realize we've been had and that they faked us out yet again, they're gone and we don't know where to find BP or how to get in contact with them. You see, we'd never think to look five miles down the road.

So things are looking up for the oil soaked cuddly wuddly animals of the Gulf. Oh, and all those human creatures, what with their shattered lives, ruined homes, and crippled economy. Hey, we can all start giggling when people say "tar balls" again! It's not such a dire and serious situation anymore! TAR BALLS! Tee-hee-hee.

Anyone want to rain on this parade? President Sunshine?

In Washington, President Obama hailed the development but cautioned against concluding that the corner had been turned, noting that it was still possible for there to be complications that “could be even more catastrophic” than the original leak.

Christ, can't we get 15 minutes into a celebration without President Bring-down bringing us all down? This is literally the only thing that will get done in this country from now until the election, then after the election where Republicans win enough to keep filibustering everything or win outright and Democrats start filibustering everything, and on until the 2012 elections when we elect Sarah Palin and the Mayans hit the self-destruct button.

Give us this small victory, Barry. There's no more oil coming out. Plus, in 10,000 years all that oil will finally be cleaned up. Well, 10,000 years given a few massive technological leaps in our oil gathering and cleaning up technology. See, I'm feeling optimistic again.

Broken News: Katrina Never Happened

NEW ORLEANS—For many citizens in this once hurricane-ravaged city, the events of the past couple of days remain simply unbelievable. Virtually overnight, all levees have been competently rebuilt, the lower 9th ward and surrounding areas restored to pristine condition, millions of residents back in undamaged homes, and local businesses up and running at full capacity.

“I don’t want to jinx it,” a giddy Mayor Ray Nagin announced to the assembled press who had gathered at city hall when they all realized what was occurring. “But I think that the Saints winning the Super Bowl caused a sort of temporal rift. HURRICANE KATRINA NEVER HAPPENED!”

“Just like all the media and sports press have essentially been claiming. WHO DAT?!” the mayor jubilantly exclaimed.

In a comprehensive list released to the media, Nagin detailed all the policies, programs, relief and reconstruction efforts that were going to be canceled immediately because of the magical circumstances stemming from this sporting victory.

These include such programs as efforts to rebuild and restore the lower 9th and the 80% of building in Orleans parish that sustained severe water damage, attempts to rebuild a fortify the levee system, efforts to encourage growth after nearly half the city population left, efforts to revamp and rejuvenate the education, cultural, law enforcement, and local governance systems, as well as addressing widespread poverty, health, employment and other urban issues, or any other efforts to address the weak tax base, business community, and economy that are all now completely fixed.

In addition, David Simon announced the cancellation of his upcoming New Orleans HBO series Treme saying “I guess there no longer exists an overarching tableau of decay and rebirth that I can use as a backdrop to critique the fading American empire and its self-destructive institutions.”

Added a clearly dejected Simon, "I guess we'll always have Cleveland."

While nearly everyone is pleased to see New Orleans magically overcome the greatest natural disaster in American history through otherworldly means in conjunction with the outcome of a sporting championship, most are just confused as to how this occurred.

While certain sporting events have come to be seen as triggers for important historical events, most notably the 1935 Detroit victory in the World Series ushering in the New Deal and the 1968 formation on the Cincinnati Bengals being retroactively blamed for the My Lai Massacre, there has yet to have been a sporting victory or loss that has seemingly traveled back through time to change past events.

“I don’t claim to understand it, I’m just glad it happened,” a victorious Mayor Nagin yelled from a parade float led by a jazz brass ensemble playing “When the Saints Go Marching In”.

On the other hand some in the media seemingly did foresee such a chain of events, peppering their coverage of the Saints with references to how their good season was part of the complete rebirth of New Orleans and that an arbitrary victory in a football game could possibly signal that the city was back and A-OK.

“Yeah, when I first heard all of that I was a little incredulous,” observed Saints QB and Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees. “I mean I do a ton of charity work around this city and I failed to see just how us winning one game would retroactively fix the deplorable state that the city was in... at the time.”

“I remember being asked by Katie Couric if I had saved New Orleans,” Brees recounted, highlighted a pre-game interview with the CBS anchor that beggared belief. “I just thought to myself ‘Listen you dippy bitch, how the hell is a high octane passing attack and intensive film study going to fix the very real socio-economic problems that I tirelessly work to help fix?’”

“But here we are," he shrugged. “Everything was fixed. Because of a football game.”

In a statement he released to the press Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning, who threw a game changing interception for a touchdown and who himself grew up in New Orleans while his father played quarterback for the Saints, noting that he was “glad to do his part to revive his hometown”, feeling that the complete and total rejuvenation of most of Southern Louisiana was a much better result than what would have happened for Indianapolis had the Colts won: half-price burgers at participating Steak’n’Shakes in the greater metro area.

“Whatever,” Mayor Nagin was heard to yell while reveling in parade festivities on Bourbon Street. “I’m just glad that no one ever has to worry about New Orleans ever again or concern themselves with the status of this city. We won a football game! It’s all golden baby.”

In a related story, the nation of Haiti petitioned several top NFL franchises to legally relocate their headquarters to Port-au-Prince for the upcoming season in the hopes that a Super Bowl victory could not only fix the damage done in the recent earthquake, but provide the country with a mulligan for most of the past 200 years.

Video of the day

I know you've probably seen this, but doesn't this just make the sun shine a little brighter?



Sure, Lieberman still killed two separately effective parts of he health care bill that would have lowered costs for Americans and seemed to do it purely out of spite, and all that happened here was that Al Franken politely told him to shut his fucking mouth during something that was completely unimportant, but doesn't this make it all a little better? Well, as long as you're healthy and get your health care from work it should make you feel better.

How about Al Franken though? Between this, the anti-rape bill, schooling people on medical bankruptcies, his various and sundry fights on the Senate floor over health care, his correspondence with John Ashcroft, and this Supply Side Jesus cartoon he wrote, he's quickly become one of my favorite Senators. Shame that other Senators aren't this entertaining, it would at least make all the inaction and failing more palatable.

Everything's OK now

I know some of you are worried about the state of the economy, the jobs market, and the rampant inequalities and failings within our system of government, oversight, and regulations that allowed banks and financial giants to set fire to everyone's money. But that's all better now. Why? No, it's not because someone invented a time machine to go back and kill Phil Gramm and it's definitely not because things got fixed and the economy a job markets are back on track. No, the Chairman and CEO of Goldman-Sachs toddled up to the front of the class and apologized like a big boy. Everything's OK now.

Lloyd Blankfein, chairman and chief executive officer of Goldman Sachs Group Inc., apologized for the firm’s role in some of the activities leading to the financial crisis.

“We participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret,” Blankfein, 55, said at a conference in New York hosted by the Directorship magazine. “We apologize.”

Are you happy now, America and Matt Taibbi? Do you see what you've reduced this man to? He's apologizing for the things his company did and enabled! It's sickening that this country is so vindictive that we'd actually ask that of our financial betters.

I'm just glad that the apology is the only thing he's doing. I mean of course he's not going to actually give back the close to $50 billion he ratfucked out of our pockets during this whole post-apocalypse period, and he's certainly not going to think of not paying out the billions in bonuses to the people who helped set everyone's money on fire, nor is he going to renounce all the billions upon billions that they raked in while they were ensuring a global economic collapse, nor the billions they made betting on the housing crash while they simultaneously boot people out of their homes. They're keeping that money and you'll have to live with all the damage they helped cause, but he's sorry.

And while he isn't promising they won't do it again, you can rest assured that they help toilet the economy again, you'll get another nice apology. So go away and stop bothering your money emperors with your "complaints" about their "deeply unethical business practices."

GM all better now

GM wants you to know that the bad times are over. Everything is fixed. They've finished the heavy lifting and packing up, and are just about ready to open up shop in their new digs that they opened five miles down the road, so as to hide from creditors. Everything is copacetic...for now.

The carmaker General Motors began a new era for itself Friday, with its chief executive pronouncing the end of “business as usual” and promising to focus on its customers and vehicles more than ever before.

"We deeply appreciate the support we’ve received during this historic transformation and will work hard to repay the trust and the money that so many have invested in G.M,” the chief executive, Fritz Henderson, said just a couple of hours after the company closed the sale of its good assets to a new, government-backed carmaker.

Good they've jettisoned the bad assets and sold the good ones to New GM. Among the good assets that were sold to GM were two desks that didn't wobble, a box of Bic pens that hadn't been opened, a wrench, an unchipped GM coffee cup, and a coffee machine that was reportedly "still hangin' in there". Everything else was spitefully dumped in Toyota's parking lot and set ablaze.

New GM does have a brilliant strategy whoch they unveiled. According to CEO Fritz Henderson they plan to "design, build and sell the best vehicles in the world." Why didn't they think of that before! Fritz said the plan is to wish for their cars to be the best for a period of two years and if magic wizards or enchanted unicorns fail to intervene, then they'll get to work actually making them better. He also listed the companies priorities, in order, as its customers, its cars and its culture. He's says people are the priority and they plan on making great cars! GM never used to say that in the past, hell no car company would have the balls to make such a bold statement. Though with great plans like those I see no reason why they won't be able to overcome decades of built up mistrust in their name and a swooning car market brought about by global economic calamity. How could they not? They plan on making great cars!

Broken News: America to finally turn it all around this year

Banksy

WASHINGTON--A staggered and disoriented America formally declared over the weekend that this will be the year that it finally gets its shit in gear. The world's lone superpower took the occasion of its 233rd birthday to promise all those in attendance that they would soon see a completely different country.

"I'm fucking done," said a clearly inebriated America early Sunday morning after falling down in the middle of the street and cutting its palm on some glass. "After tonight, I'm done. No more drinking or wrecking the world economy or incinerating the mud people. For serious."

Witness say that America continued to shout these hazy promises while being carried home by Israel and Great Britain. Several present claimed that America apologized profusely for its pedestrian culture, dependence on firearms and religion for self-confidence, and repeatedly insisted it was done financing revolutions on at least three continents.

At one point the nation was heard to scream, "I used to be loved. Revered, even. Was it the Barbary Coast thing? Vietnam? McDonald's? Michelle Malkin? Just tell me what I did wrong! Why don't you love me anymore? This is the year. I'm taking economics classes at the Community College. I've even kind-of stopped gay bashing. I'm not mailing my excrement as a diplomatic tactic anymore and I'm even tentatively planning on possibly taking better care of my health. Look at this tan!"

It was at his point that America struggled free of the United Kingdom's grasp, tripped and fell into the gutter. "Fuck man, I feel so low... so low," the hulking man-baby sobbed into his flag bandanna. "I need help man. I really need some help here. Someone tell the Cherokee I'm sorry."

While most of the world was quick to applaud America's booze-fueled introspection, many nations remain skeptical.

"Look, I might give America the benefit of the doubt if we didn't hear this every year," noted ally Canada.

"Every time the first week of July rolls around, America goes on this three-day bender and then comes out of it with a giant headache and a slightly smaller ego. Was that sad bastard jabbering about the Indians again this year?"

"Five months from now I still expect to get a call from America telling me he's wasted off his ass in Iran and that I need to either come pick him up or join the party," observed frequent military tag-along Australia. "Fingers crossed, we won't have to stage another intervention at the UN. He always just vetoes our suggestions, talks about how he pays for 'this whole goddamn global clusterfuck', and yells at us to 'get off his land'."

This marked the 5th straight year that America declared through a crippling hangover its intention to straighten up and fly right. This streak would now rest at 22 consecutive years if not for the period between 2001-2004 when America steadfastly refused to apologize for anything.

"I've heard this song and dance before. First it was all 'I'm not ever gonna mess with small, jungle countries over communism again' Then I get clubbed on the back of my head and when I wake up my house has been ransacked," a still angry Grenada was heard to say. "He's a complete bullshit artist."

Still, others in the global community suggest that America might have been too hard on itself.

"To be honest, I don't think America needs to change one bit," said owner Saudi Arabia. "No need to get all Catholic about things, you know?"

This sentiment was echoed by co-owner China, who called America's conduct, "Adequate," claiming the United States "hasn't done anything I wouldn't, or don't, do."

In light of the weekend's activities, experts predict that America will dry out for a week or two before returning to the manner of activity that so wracked the country with guilt in the first place. For its part, America insists that this time will be different, that it has truly changed, and just needs a Rocky-like training montage to "fix everything, you'll see."

Well then, I don't know what everyone is complaining about

Iran Extends Deadline for Election Inquiry

As officials began a limited recount of Iran’s disputed presidential ballot on Monday, authorities in Tehran said they had extended by five days their deadline to investigate opposition claims of electoral fraud. The move could postpone the final certification of the ballot, which Iranian leaders insist was fair.
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The Guardian Council, a 12-member clerical panel charged with vetting and authenticating the June 12 vote, said on Monday that Mr. Moussavi had offered proposals to “rebuilt public trust” after more than two weeks of rallies and protests by the opposition that have drawn a broad and violent crackdown from government security forces.

Press TV, the English-language state satellite broadcaster, said the council had found Mr. Moussavi’s proposals to be “positive.” It did not say what they were.

Whew! I was afraid there that all the complex and logistical challenges that election recounts and inquiries take wouldn't have the full amount of time to be completed. I mean with all those ballots cast, it takes a lot of time to pretend that they are being counted and pretend that laws are being followed. They don't want to make the mistake that was made on election night when they pretended to count them too fast. If they aren't allowed to fully complete the recount, how will they be able to do stuff like give Ahmadinejad more votes? If the GC doesn't have more time where are they gonna find the balls to pull more moves like that?

I'm just glad that when its all over the Guardian Council will have fully and officially certified two things: 1. Yes, Ahmadinejad won by that ridiculous margin, and 2. Thinking there is a second thing is a sign of revolutionary tendencies, the Basij will be around to beat you shortly. See The West, Iran can do things within its own legal system in a fair and open way...provided you ignore quite a lot.

It's also nice to see that the GC has said that Mir Hossein Mousavi offered up some "positive" solutions for a "rebuilt public trust". Let me guess, those "solutions" involve the security forces getting to beat and arrest anyone in groups larger than 3 and also involves Mousavi's public show trial and imprisonment. Those would be helpful ideas. I was worried this thing was going to spiral out of control.

Sotomayor moves forward

It seems the Sotomayor confirmation process has regained some semblance of sanity. It would have been hard to get crazier, but still, things have been knocked back into almost sane levels of discourse. Well, by current standards anyway. Even Newt Gingrich is on board. He no longer thinks Sotomayor is a complete racist, he just think she's a "racialist", whatever that means. I guess that makes her a 7 on the racism scale, instead of her previous Tufnel-esque 11. Even Christian groups are getting on board, with the organization "Faith and Action in the Nation's Capitol" anointing the confirmation room with holy oils in an attempt to bless the room for a "truthful process for the American people." And if it perhaps leads to evil liberal spirits being forcefully exorcised from Democratic lawmakers and Sotomayor as they enter the room, that's just a bonus.

Even Sotomayor's recent ankle shattering has been met with some measure of restraint. Tom Tancredo has gone out of his way not to mention that white men are sturdier and have stronger ankles and said he even kind of regrets greasing the LaGuardia Airport terminal floor and paying an intern to trip her. Lawmakers are even going out of their way to be more accommodating.

Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) had “a bag of ice and a pillow on hand” when she arrived, and quipped, “I hope you all note that some Republicans are empathetic, too.” Sens. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA) both signed her cast, and Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) presented the Yankees fan with a “snapshot…of himself posing outside the old Yankee Stadium.”

Oh, that Vitter. As long as he isn't paying you $300 an hour to fuck him, he's a real charmer. But I can see why he was nice, he really needs to learn her judicial thoughts on prosecuting lawmakers who moralize about values and nail hookers on the side. And that rascal Ben Nelson. I'm sure there's nothing Judge Sotomayor will cherish more than a photo of you standing outside a stadium. You do know how to pick a gift.

See? Everything is all right. Just ignore the previous weeks. This is a semi-adult legal body conducting themselves in a semi-adult manner. No need to remember all that shame you felt. Blessings! Racialist! Ben Nelson photos! Meetings with Johns! America is back on track.

No need to worry, Bernanke says it's all OK

Ben Bernanke is optimistic. Why? He's apparently figured out he'll be collecting a big fat FED paycheck for years to come and can never be fired. But other than that he sees clear sign that the economy is totally OK. Is it the fact that 10 of the 19 banks the government stress tested will need billions more in capital? Is it the constant drops in home prices that now leave a full 20% of the American people owing more on their homes than their worth? The news that lenders were the ones responsible for $1 trillion of the bad subprime loans? That Bank of America needs another $34 billion? No. He's just got a feeling.

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gave his most optimistic prediction yet Tuesday about the end of the recession, saying he expects the economy to start growing again this year _ although the comeback could be weak and more jobs will disappear even after a recovery takes hold.

The Fed chief told Congress' Joint Economic Committee that he saw hopeful signs, including firmer home sales, a revival in consumer spending and some improvement in lending conditions for banks, businesses and individual borrowers.

"We continue to expect economic activity to bottom out, then to turn up later this year," Bernanke said.
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"A relapse in financial conditions would be a significant drag on economic activity and could cause the incipient recovery to stall," Bernanke said.

Barring such a setback, Bernanke suggested the worst of the recession _ for lost economic activity _ has passed.
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Striking a lighthearted note, Bernanke said that after the economic crisis has ended, "I look forward to a long period of boredom."

Oh Ben, you are our government's foremost comedian. But hey, look at that staggering optimism. What's it based on? The fact that he's pretty sure things can't get any worse. Except for job losses. But everything else can't. Unless banks continue to be insolvent. But otherwise, we can look forward to a period of weak, almost imperceptible economic recovery with continued job losses.

So hive five the guy in the bread line next to you. You won't have a job and the unemployment line is going to get longer, but there will be a minuscule bump in GDP numbers. Because that's what's the important focus: GDP. Not the people in the economy, an arbitrary measure of the economy. And why not, that's the kind of laser like focus that helped bring about our new Gilded Age and subsequent New Depression. Looks like things are back on track. All better now.

So we aren't going to all die?

I'm confused here. I, along with the national media, have been fearmongering my heart out about the world's impending pig virus based death. Now today, instead of the WHO creating a 7th pandemic level and saying we've hit it, we have tax cheat Secretary Sebelius telling us not to worry. To be cautiously optimistic. That Obama's secret fire based razing of Mexico has seemingly kept Porcine AIDS out of our precious American air. The only guy left who wants to ratchet up panic is the UK's chief medical officer. But all he can seem to do is promise a nebulous future outbreak that'll totally be worse. He basically shares Sebelius' optimism. How disappointing.

The swine flu virus could turn out to be less severe than previously feared, the US government said today.

Kathleen Sebelius, making her first speech as the US health secretary, said: "We are cautiously optimistic that what we are seeing right now is presenting itself as a much milder virus than the initial cases that presented themselves in Mexico."

But the British government's chief medical officer, Sir Liam Donaldson, today warned it would be "premature" to assume the virus was a mild infection.
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Donaldson predicted that a second, larger wave of infections could be expected during the usual flu season in the autumn and winter.

Promises, promises. At the very least we can hang our hat on the fact that Sebelius is saying we should be optimistic that the virus that came across the border was a mutated, weaker form of the Mexican version. That does give us some shred of hope that the worse version can jump over.

How many times are we going to dodge the apocalypse? The financial crisis seems to not be wholly devouring society. Health officials are optimistic about the flupocalypse. That giant meteor missed Earth. Hamas is talking about a two-state solution. Our only hope is that sharks start to eat swimmers en masse as the summer starts up. Otherwise we're going to have to start planning for the future. Until 2012. Then it's over for real.

And all was right with the world

$50 Million in A.I.G. Bonuses Will Be Repaid

The New York State attorney general, Andrew M. Cuomo, said on Monday that he had persuaded nine of the top 10 bonus recipients at the American International Group to give the money back, as the Senate retreated on plans to tax such bonuses.

Mr. Cuomo said he was working his way down a list of A.I.G. employees, ranked by the size of their bonuses, and had already won commitments to pay back $50 million out of the total $165 million awarded this month. But in a reversal of the stand he took last week, he said he did not intend to release any names.
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Mr. Cuomo said that he hoped eventually to recover $80 million in bonuses paid in March to A.I.G. employees in the United States. But he said an additional $85 million had gone to people outside the United States, and he did not believe his office had the legal standing to pursue them.

See these people aren't so bad. Sure they bankrupted the world, but when faced with the prospect of having their name revealed and having to face the triple stigma of working for AIG, working in the financial products division, and trying to pretend like they had done a good job, they buckled under to fear of peasants with pitchforks at their door what's right. It's amazing what massive barge loads of shame and scorn can do when dumped on the heads of social pariahs. Any chance of this working on our elected betters?

Cuomo didn't even need any fancy tax laws, which is good because none seemed forthcoming. The current "tax 'em all" plan had stalled, of course, in the Senate, where Senate Republicans asked for "more time to study the legislation". What's that? The guys that stopped bonus and wage legislation earlier aren't for taxing it either, even after spending almost an entire week pretending to care? Shocking.

Well in any event, almost all the money that can be recovered has been recovered and it seems the outrage of the day/week unfortunately came to an end without bloodshed. I'm sure something else will be along to make sure we don't pay attention to what's actually happening. Octomom being artificially inseminated with Charles Manson's seed while getting a bonus from Citibank or something. We'll all get really pissed.

All you need to know

Today Tim Geithner officially released his toxic legacy assets program. A program which attempts to completely subsidize private investment risk in return for throwing good money after bad in an attempt to pretend excrement is in fact brown gold. A program that was largely derided by economists as trying to pretend the fundamental flaws in the financial system are just superficial, ignoring clear historical precedent and guidance, and one that will prolong our problems and forestall real action.

The Dow responded to this plan by going up 497 points.
The S&P jumped 54.
The Nasdaq went up 98.

Bad economic news is good Wall Street news, as long as Wall Street gets their cut. You really are better off betting your money at the dog track.

Ain't no love in the heart of the Citi

Citigroup Breaks Up, "Financial Supermarket" Model Dead

The original financial supermarket is dead. Citigroup signaled the end of a decade-long experiment to create one-stop shopping for financial services _ everything from consumer loans to investment banking _ with Tuesday's announcement that it was merging its Smith Barney brokerage into a joint venture with Morgan Stanley.

The deal, which will give Citigroup $2.7 billion in badly needed cash as it gives up control of Smith Barney, comes as the company still struggles in the aftermath of the mortgage and credit crisis. There is speculation that CEO Vikram Pandit, who for months supported Citigroup as a "universal bank," will be taking further steps to simplify and streamline the company.

Citi could soon shrink itself by one-third, according to a Wall Street Journal report Wednesday. The Journal says Citi is likely to announce plans next week to shed two consumer-finance units, the bank's private-label credit card business and cut back on trading it does on its own behalf.

Whither the "too big to fail' mega-conglomeration? Let us mourn the passing of an era where massive financial corporations finally became too big and collapsed after being sabotaged by minorities who wouldn't pay their mortgages. It was a good model, it's only flaw was a tiny susceptibility to poor people who hated living up to their obligations. But now it's dead and people on Wall Street think the model is never coming back. Given their recent prediction rate, I'd say the model will be back inside of a year. Analysts blame Citigroup's collapse on a failure to integrate all their disparate businesses, but I think they're forgetting to note the terrible management and horrible ideas they had.

This isn't the end though, because if old man government has its way Citigroup will be broken into even tinier pieces and scattered into the wind. Unfortunately I've yet to see any news piece address the most important question yet: what does this mean for the Mets new field, dubbed Citi Field? Will they have to resell naming rights or will we use bailout cash to keep it going? After all, marketing for a non-existant company is critical. But there you have it, all those big beautiful mega-groups are dead or folded into other corporations, all our problems are solved, and Wall Street promises it'll never happen again. Now release that other $350 billion or everything will collapse again.