This week in mind shattering testicle injuries

In all the post-game kvetching and whining about handshakes and "how dare that Crosby kid celebrate with his teammates instead of recognizing the Red Wings need to make a strict tee time" you began to wonder if some of the complaining Wings, namely Kris "Can't spell 'Kris Draper' without 'Kid Raper'" Draper, Henrik Zetterberg, and Nick Lidstrom, had any sort of balls. Well it turns out that Lidstrom does have a pair, they were just horrifically injured.

If Detroit captain Nicklas Lidstrom looked a little sluggish at times during this Stanley Cup Finals, he has a very, very, very good excuse. He suffered a "nearly catastrophic" testicle injury in the Conference Finals. Now how do you feel?

Personally, I feel that if there is one way you don't want your testicle injury to be described, it's "nearly catastrophic." Lidstrom actually missed the final two games of the Chicago series after Patrick Sharp allegedly gave him the "how's your father" with his stick, but the true reason for his absence wasn't widely reported—officially he had a "lower body injury" a fact that Globe and Mail opinionist Bruce Dowbiggin laments in his latest column.

"Nearly catastrophic testicle injury". Ball spearing. Sack ripping. If you'll excuse me, I'll be doubled over and coughing. My groin is grimacing in pain at the same time my mind recoils in horror. See...the...thing is...........no, I can't continue, I'm going to go ice my whole midsection down, just in case.