Oh, to be a rich athlete

I want to be a rich athlete. Not because of all the money, fame, and recognition. No, because I want the freedom to drunkenly kill people with my car and fire off handguns in or around 'da club.

Financial agreement avoids lawsuit

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte' Stallworth took full responsibility for killing a pedestrian while driving drunk in Florida and began serving a 30-day jail sentence Tuesday after he pleaded guilty to DUI manslaughter.

Stallworth also reached a confidential financial settlement to avoid a potential lawsuit from the family of 59-year-old Mario Reyes, according to Stallworth's attorney, Christopher Lyons. Reyes was struck and killed March 14 by Stallworth, who was driving his black 2005 Bentley after a night drinking at a swanky hotel bar.
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Stallworth faced 15 years in prison. According to the plea agreement, Stallworth needs to serve only 24 days of his 30-day sentence.

Hearing adjourned until September

Former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress is negotiating with several NFL teams to return to pro football this season after a judge delayed his trial Monday on gun possession charges.
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Outside court Monday, Brafman said it was "inconceivable" that Burress would face trial on the charge before 2010, said several teams were trying to sign his client, and "physically he's in the best shape of his life. He's ready to play."

First off, nice use of the word 'swanky' in a story about a drunken car murder.

Let's see here, not only is there stone cold hard evidence that Stallworth was over twice the legal limit, there's video evidence of him hitting a guy, and a dead body. All of this and he doesn't get more than 30 days? Burress on the other hand is charged with criminal possession of a weapon. Despite the fact that they have stone cold evidence that he was in fact not only in criminal possession of a weapon, but shot himself with the weapon, they can't seem to get a trail started within two years of the incident. Not only that, but a man who shot himself with an illegal gun is going to plead not guilty and try to argue that even though he had an illegal gun and shot himself with it, he wasn't in possession of an illegal gun. He'll probably win too.

What's that sound? It's Pacman Jones nodding with approval and Michael Vick wondering what the fuck he went to prison for. He got a year plus for killing dogs. Stallworth killed a human and won't even have to serve a full 30 days. I definitely should have become a professional athlete. When I get busted on for drunkenly waving weapons at dogs I've run over with my car I'll have to do real time.