The Iranian Election

The results of the Iranian election will be known by tomorrow. At stake is the future of who we will be able to demonize as the new Devil for domestic political purposes. Running against each other are the old new Satan, Mahmoud "Not a fan of the Jews" Ahmadinejad, and the man who wants to become the new new Satan, Hossein "Obamadinejad" Mousavi.

At stake? Whether Iranians will repudiate President Obama's wishes for a more democratic Iran and more open dialogue between us or if they will agree with America. There are also chances of a third route where they don't even take America's views into consideration and instead base their vote around what they think is the best decision for their own country, but this possibility has been laughed off by American political commentators as "ridiculous beyond all belief." It's totally about us. Everything is always about us.

Iranians packed polling stations from boutique-lined streets in north Tehran to conservative bastions in the countryside Friday with a choice that's left the nation divided and on edge: keeping hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in power or electing a reformist who favors greater freedoms and improved ties with the United States.
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But Mousavi has offered hopes of more freedoms at home. If elected, he could try to end crackdowns on liberal media and bloggers and push for Iran to embrace President Barack Obama's offer of dialogue after a nearly 30-year diplomatic freeze. He favors talks with world powers over Iran's nuclear program, which the United States and others fear is aimed at making weapons. Iran says it only seeks reactors for electricity.

Iranians around the world also took part in the vote. In Dubai, home to an estimated 200,000 Iranians, the streets around the polling station at the Iranian consulate were jammed with voters overwhelmingly favoring Mousavi.

"He is our Obama," said Maliki Zadehamid, a 39-year-old exporter.

Bah, I bet Mousavi can't even ball. Turnout is expected to surpass 80%, which kind of rubs our noses in shit as THE freedom loving freeple of freeberty and freemocracy. We're getting schooled by the oppressive hand of Islamic theocracy. It's all meaningless though, whoever they elect is just gonna be run by a shadowy group of clerics who hold the real power. They don't even have the decency to let their government be run by a shadowy group of corporations who hold the real power. And Iran calls themselves a democracy.

So, just a heads up. You might have to start thinking about a new despotic, antagonistic, enemy leader of Iran. I just don't want you to be confused if you hear Newt or Rush saying some Mousavi guy is the new Hitler or we have to carpet bomb Iran because of this Mousavi guy. Be prepared.