Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.18

North Korea May Fire A Missile Toward Hawaii
Everyone's favorite diminutive waterslide enthusiast, Kim Jong-Il, is considering a move so childish you expect it to be delivered with a bonnet and pacifier. He wants to launch a Taepodong missile in the direction of Hawaii, but not at Hawaii, on the 4th of July. For no real reason. Kimmy, just shit in a box and send it to a Senator, it's slightly more mature.

An Insider Turned Agitator Is the Face of Iran’s Opposition
In case you wanted to know who the man leading the Iranian election protests is, the New York Times decided to do a profile on him. Last week Mir Hossein Mousavi was a more moderate version of Ahmadinejad, now he makes Gandhi look like a pederast. Chart the transformation from larva to pupae to green butterfly.

Stealing the Election All Over Again
In case you lost your mind and decided to take those Guardian Council proclamations of a "partial recount" seriously, it turns out they are a sham. I know, shocking. I will note that I think this is the first time in history that an initial count and a recount involved no actual counting. They just can't stop making history over there.

PETA wishes Obama hadn't swatted that fly
Reason 167,842 why PETA is annoying and makes me want to self harm. Obama swatted a fly on camera and in response PETA sent out a press release condemning it, did an interview condemning it, and sent a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher to the WHite House so it could treat bugs humanely. Because the president killed a fly. A fly. Not a polar bear, not a kitten, not a tiger cub, not a dodo that popped out from a mouse hole in the White House wainscoting, a fly. Because flies are in such short supply. If you'll excuse me I am now going to step on ants extra hard, replete with an ankle twist and mocking laugh.

How online racist jokes hurt S.C. GOP
Seems like the South Carolina GOP is learning the hard way that completely racist cracks about the President that are disseminated publicly over the internet are damaging to their electoral prospects. I'm surprised it took them so long to figure it out. All it would have taken for me to understand is a glimpse of a calendar that pointed out the year as 2009, not 1952, and how posting something up on the intarwubs would make it viewable to more eyes than say, a snide comment to a colleague in a cloakroom. Perhaps someone would be so kind as to explain that to the rest of the caucus, perhaps by writing it on something heavy and hitting them with it.