Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sky War

You know, sometimes we look at this country and our leaders and focus too much on all the bad wars they start or escalate. We tend to forget the good ones they start, like Moon War: the War Against Lunar Aggression. But, as in all things, the world is catching up to us and our ability to start conflicts with orbiting space bodies, nature, and concepts. Take Venezuelan President Hugo "Crackers from Caracas" Chavez, who is not only declaring war against drought, but is taking to the front lines himself to lead the onslaught in his newly declared war against clouds.
Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez says he will join a team of Cuban scientists on flights to "bomb clouds" to create rain amid a severe drought that has aroused public anger due to water and electricity rationing.
"I'm going in a plane; any cloud that crosses me, I'll zap it so that it rains," Chavez said at a ceremony late on Saturday with family members of five Cubans convicted of spying in the United States.
"Any cloud that crosses me." That's right, Hugo, you don't take any shit from those goddamn clouds. Won't rain? Maybe a Cuban missile right between its cumulo and nimbus ought to make things a little more clear to those wispy bastards.

I'd advise going heavy. Show them the full might of the Venezuelan air force and bomb them into rainy compliance. But whatever you do don't get into a situation where you have to train stratus clouds to police nimbus clouds to make them keep raining. It just doesn't work. Overwhelming force is the only thing these visible masses of droplets understand. Soon, you'll have Earth-based sky water again.

Us? Oh we've already moved on to moon water. You just keep on drinking that sky stuff. It's cute.

No comments: