Quotes of the day

Now I know this may surprise some of you, but there is evidence that former President Bush might have been a childish, petulant asshole. I know it's surprising to think about, but a new book from former Bush speechwriter Matt Latimer has some Bush observations about other politicians that gives that impression.

On Barry:

"This is a dangerous world," he said for no apparent reason, "and this cat isn't remotely qualified to handle it. This guy has no clue, I promise you."

Who does he think he's talking to and about? A flapper at a 1920's swingin' jazz speakeasy about the uppity negro trumpeter? Who says 'cat'?

On Himself:

"You think I wasn't qualified?" he said to no one in particular. "I was qualified."

*clears throat awkwardly* Is it getting uncomfortable in here? I must say I do like the thought of Bush randomly walking the halls and shouting about his qualifications to potted plants and Lincoln's ghost.

On Hill-Dawg:

"'Wait till her fat keister is sitting at this desk,' he once said (except he didn't say 'keister')," Latimer wrote

Good thing that one got cleaned up. I want a President that illegally spies on the populace, tortures, bankrupts the country, and starts reckless wars, but I don't want one that refers to the posterior as anything other than 'fanny', 'bum-bum', 'rear', or 'heinie.'

On Sarah Palin:

"I'm trying to remember if I've met her before. I'm sure I must have." His eyes twinkled, then he asked, "What is she, the governor of Guam?"

"This woman is being put into a position she is not even remotely prepared for," he said. "She hasn't spent one day on the national level."

Trenchant observation, George. Except she was the less intellectual version of you, but without the famous daddy and plus a couple pairs of glasses. Project much? Maybe he was just finally getting a chance to vent about all the things he loathed about himself and his Presidency, but couldn't bear to admit to the random wait staff, receptionists, and paintings of former Presidents that he randomly barked out his qualifications to.

The book is called Bush Does the Dozens: America's Worst President Un-ironically Criticizes Everyone but Himself and should be out soon. Latimer should be out on a book promotion tour soon, vehemently apologizing and distancing himself from these quotes and revelations.