Broken In Brief: Goddamn worthless fucking dog hears man, doesn't care

WILKES-BARRE—Oh for the love of God, area man and former pet lover Mark Gibbons cannot believe his fucking dog isn’t fucking listening to him. That goddamn mongrel, which Gibbons knows can fucking hear him, is just standing over there at the far corner of the yard, smelling its own piss spots or maybe chewing on a bunch of rabbit turds. Whatever that dimwitted fleabag is doing, it's obviously something that piece-of-shit animals are free to do when they don’t have to go to work at five in the fucking morning.

“Look at that shit! The fucker just looked at me when I said its name,” the exasperated man exclaimed as he counted off the minutes he was going to be late to work. “Oh! Now it’s gone back to walking in circles and sniffing the goddamned ground like there's some skier trapped in a cockin' avalanche. Fuck this shit! I know you can hear me!”

The dog, a rotten beagle mix named Tuffy from the fucking shelter who is clearly retarded or something, apparently doesn’t know how close it is to just getting left the fuck outside all day. The moronic creature apparently thinks it has he survival skills to brave a day in the suburbs, which it most assuredly does fucking not.

As of press time-- oh, mother of fucking bleeding baby Jesus, did you fucking see how that little shit walked further away as Gibbons approached its mangy, freeloading ass? According to area reports, this goddamned dog doesn’t know what kind of trouble it’s fucking in for.