Farewell and adieu?

Hey remember that system the government used to keep us all paranoid and afraid immediately after 9/11? No, not Fox News. I meant the Homeland Security color coded alert system. You remember the one. It got raised and lowered depending on how Bush was doing in the polls and laughably had to two green and blue rectangles, "guarded" and "low", that we all had a good laugh about because we knew they'd never be used. Well, we might have to wave goodbye to that little bit of fear inducing brilliance, it seems the chart has outlived its usefulness.

The often-spoofed, color-coded Homeland Security Advisory System may get an overhaul – moving from five colors to three in a bid to win the public trust.

The nation has been at Yellow, “an elevated significant risk of terrorist attacks” for three years. International and domestic flights have been at an Orange “high risk of terrorist attacks” for the same period.

Just so we're clear, they've shitcanned the two we knew they'd never use and have redefined the previous three. They are now:

Yellow=Guarded - Did that Muslim just look from side to side in a shifty manner?
Orange = Elevated – Vague, non-specific threat that is going to kill us any second...WHAT'S THAT BEHIND THAT BUSH OVER THERE!?!
Red = High Alert – Barack's gone rogue, Barack's gone rogue!!! Joe Biden is dead and Osama is prowling the White House grounds. Glenn Beck was right!!

Remember them and stay fearful. In all this confusion about being afraid of socialism, you may have forgotten that the Muslims are still out there. That's why we still need this useful and effective system that Americans take completely seriously.