Practice

Looks like the government is running through its "inept enforcement of toothless legislation that constitutes a pass for the industry it's meant to regulate" playbook just in time for the big Health Care showdown.

WASHINGTON – Federal health officials Tuesday banned the sale of flavored cigarettes and hinted that they may soon take action against the far-larger market of flavored little cigars and cigarillos, the first major crackdown on cigarettes since the Food and Drug Administration was given authority to regulate tobacco.

That's the good part. The rest:

The legislation giving the F.D.A. regulatory power over cigarettes required the agency to ban flavored cigarettes but did not clearly define what constituted a cigarette.

Surely this little misunderstanding can be cleared up by an F.D.A. official...

In a press conference Tuesday, agency officials were deliberately vague when asked whether the ban would apply to flavored little cigars like Swisher Sweets or cigarillos like Black & Mild, which can have flavors like apple and chocolate.

Heard they got black cherry, too. Gets the taste of hooker spit off your tongue quicker than lager turns to piss. And the kicker:

Another cigar store owner told Mr. Sharp that an F.D.A. representative called last week to tell her to remove every flavored tobacco product from her shelves that “looked like a cigarette” but could not define what that meant, Mr. Sharp said.

In other words, F.D.A., you are empowered to regulate an entity we have deliberately left undefined. Go. Regulate.

The real trouble, far as I can tell, is that this legislation will most likely apply to clove cigarettes. If those are banned, what are freshman Classics majors going to smoke?

Besides pole, of course.