Broken In Brief: Area man briefly distracted just long enough to appreciate womens' tennis as a sport

ST. LOUIS—Two days after the fact, John Anderson isn’t sure exactly how or why it happened. All this local man knows is that sometime during the second set of Saturday's U.S. Open semifinal match between Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters, he had stopped ogling the competitors breasts and asses and had begun to un-ironically appreciate their competition in a legitimate sport worthy of his attention.

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it, but contrary to the conventions of the American sports landscape, I was enjoying a woman’s sport divorced of all crude sexual connotations,” said Anderson, clearly disturbed by the revelation.

“It was somewhere during a third game rally that I noticed I was no longer crudely giggling when one of them grunted. I had begun to take account of their immaculate shot placement and the fierceness of the competition. It was when I turned to my friend Frank and observed that Clijsters was forcing Williams into a lot of unforced errors on her backhand that he looked at me oddly and I understood what was happening. I apologize.”

That friend, Frank Sanders, noted that while he was initially taken aback by this behavior, Williams’ end of match outburst towards a female line judge soon snapped Anderson back into action. “Yeah, when that happened, we went right into making catfight jokes and hooting at the screen,” Sanders relayed. “Thankfully this outburst helped John yank his head out of his ass before the damage became permanent.”

“Still, its hard not to respect everything that Kim Clijsters went through in this tournament. Coming back from a sabbatical after she went to start a family, entering as a wild card,and then winning? It’s really admirable… ”Sanders trailed off, realizing what was happening. “Great! Now I’m doing it too! That Monday Night Football doubleheader better get here fast before I’m forced to mentally grapple with complex gender issues or some shit.”