Thursday, February 5, 2009

Spared no expense

Dr. Alan Grant:
Try to imagine yourself in Carmel, Illinois. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter the offramp near the construction on Exit 73. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side near the road cones,

[makes 'whoshing' sound]

from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were even hiding behind the road paver and macadam pile. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.
Forewarned is forearmed.

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