Broken In Brief: McCain-Palin Campaign to Abandon States, Focus on Burma

GOFFSTOWN, NH--Weeks after shuttering its Michigan operations and casting a plan to re-focus on crucial swing states, the McCain campaign today announced it was abandoning all domestic efforts in order to concentrate on the Union of Myanmar, formerly Burma. The move came as a surprise to supporters considering that, although the contest seems increasingly out of reach, Burmese citizens are not entitled to vote in American elections. That, and, according to McCain campaign spokesperson Nancy Pfotenhauer, "We still have about 45 bucks in the kitty and were preparing to roll out our 'Obama wants to sell your children for crack' ads during the World Series. Our focus groups indicated that 1 out of 5 people weren't horribly offended."

McCain campaign chairman Rick Davis defended the move, claiming that courting the Myanmar government would galvanize the Republican base while reinforcing McCain's foreign policy credentials. "When you look at Myanmar, what do you see? An iron-fisted authoritarian military junta ruling from an isolated location and showing virtually no regard for sound economic policy, international citizenship, or the basic human rights of its citizens. We believe this is precisely what the American people claimed to want back in 2004 and we expect to ride that same voting demographic to victory again in November." Davis then added, "Also, I've ingested nothing but absinthe and Cialis for the last two weeks and I can walk through walls."

Asked to comment, Obama's chief strategist David Axelrod was unable to stifle his laughter long enough to form a complete sentence. He was, however, able to barely retrieve from his desk drawer a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label featuring a sticky note reading "11/5/08," from which he began to drink generously while humming the Star Spangled Banner.