What a wonderful country we have

Yeah, Amnesty International, we could do that. But then what would our state AG's tweet about? The unconstitutionality of health care?

A sign of the times, although many may find it distasteful, or much worse: Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff used a mobile Twitter client to send out a tweet announcing the impending execution by firing squad of convicted murderer Ronnie Lee Gardner.

As the BBC notes, quite a modern way to announce a very old-fashioned death.

In total, the AG sent out 3 tweets about the event from his iPhone only a couple of hours ago, the most recent one an all-too-familiar (on Twitter) self-promoting one.

1) A solemn day. Barring a stay by Sup Ct, & with my final nod, Utah will use most extreme power & execute a killer. Mourn his victims. Justice

2) I just gave the go ahead to Corrections Director to proceed with Gardner’s execution. May God grant him the mercy he denied his victims.

3) We will be streaming live my press conference as soon as I’m told Gardner is dead. Watch it at www.attorneygeneral.Utah.gov/live.html

What, he couldn't also put up a few Twitpics of the body or a Twitvid of the execution? No blog post? I thought we were living in the 21st century.

And firing squad? Nice to see we live in a modern world. Did you think four horses tied to the man's limbs running in four different directions was too inhumane? Didn't want to build a wall to fall on him?

Nicely done. I guess next time Utah executes a guy (eaten by sharks?) they can spring for a clown with balloons to deliver an ice cream cake to the media that says "The execution was performed successfully at 7:00 PM." You can write it across Fudgy the Whale. You know, so you can fully embrace the moment and commemorate it with a dignity befitting the gravity of the situation. Maybe fireworks that spell out "R.I.P."? I don't know, I'm not the Utah Attorney General here.

Craig Johnson is my new favorite NY State Senator

Bill Simmons, when not serving as the irritating inspiration for KSK's Tommy from Quinzee character, was taking to the Twittertubes to ask his audience "What would be the worst celebrity sex tape of all time?"

After coming up with his own suggestion of William Hung and Helen Thomas and declaring it UNTAWPPABLE... NO ONE DENIES THIS!, NY State Sen. Craig Johnson took to his Twitter feed to offer up his own suggestion.

@sportsguy33 Susan Boyle and Abe Vigoda.

Blood curdling. Nicely played, Senator. Your years on the Inflicting Mental Anguish on the Populace Sub-Committee have served you well.

Broken in Brief: 377th consecutive Twitter search party fails to find missing person

DULUTH—It has been nearly two weeks since area junior Kacey Garret, 16, went missing without a trace. More vexing to Garret's friends, however, is their inability to locate her through an extensive online campaign based solely on social networking site and narcissism factory Twitter.

“I just don’t know why we haven’t found her,” said friend Breliegh Endicott, 17. “I mean, we all totally Tweeted that she was, like, missing and junk. You know, like you see all the time on Twitter. And that people should, like, look out and stuff, but… nothing. Maybe we should have gone out and looked.”

Others aren’t willing to react so harshly as to suggest actual effort be expended in search efforts, choosing instead to place the blame on the lackluster Tweeting efforts of others.

“Bro, Brad totally wasn’t doing his best on Twitter to help find her,” Tweeted senior Jack Maher, 18, all-city quarterback and amateur date rapist.

“Harsh, @jackdawg10. I totally RT’d your Tweets. I was trying just as hard as everyone!” Bradzilla16 responded. “Don’t put this on me. BRB Hot Pockets are done.”

Ultimately, this marks yet another high profile failure of people using Twitter to tweet that someone you might not know from some area you might not even be near has gone missing and that you should re-Tweet it.

“It’s almost as if there’s something fundamentally flawed with the idea that hitting a button while sitting at your computer or tapping away on your iPhone is an effective method of locating a missing person,” observed local police chief Harry Grasscock. “It almost makes me think we should go back to investigating, using dogs, or, I don't know, actually going outside."

“Maybe if we expanded the search to Facebook…” Chief Grasscock excitedly said, his face lighting up. “By God, I may have just saved this little girl’s life!”

Tragedy averted

Via Simon Pegg, who Tweeted this and was apparently shocked into silence by the horror of it or quietly relieved not to see his hard work sullied by American half-wits. It's the American Spaced, by McG. Or McSpaced as it was derogatorily known.

Marvel as British geeks are morphed into Hollywood style meatheads, the low rent mid-twenties post-college lifestyle is ignored, the Mike Watt character is completely stripped of anything interesting, Edger Wright's direction is ineffectively aped, and comic timing and writing is garroted and left to die bleeding and alone on the floor. On the other hand, the Brian Topp artist character seems to be OK.



Bullet dodged. Now go wash out your eyes with the original British version on Hulu.

Picture of the day

As you may or may not know, they have not only recently installed a new cupola window on the International Space Station, but now the astronauts have web access there too. One of the astronauts making use of this is Japanese spaceman Soichi Noguchi, who also took up a 800mm lens camera onto the ISS with him.

With his giant camera, new window, and new internet access he has done what any serious scientist would have done: he took pictures of stuff and posted them to Twitter!

You can follow Astro_Soichi here or take a gander at the dozens of photos he has posted here. They shots of his life on the ISS, shuttle reentries, and cities around the world.

Buenos Ares

Mahajamba, Madagascar

Patagonia

Paris

That Iran stuff is still happening

As you may be aware, protests have sprung up again in Iran with government backed violence, political assassinations, arrests, and threats of more government backed violence occurring on a daily basis. Actually, if you watch TV news you aren't aware.

I know what you're saying, "This shit is still going on? But my Twitter location is still listed as Tehran, I don't understand why that didn't work." I know, I don't understand either. Perhaps Khamenei and Ahmadinejad just don't understand just how forcefully people meant it when they clicked on Settings and scrolled all the way down to Location. But not to worry, our political establishment, when it isn't calling for the carpet bombing of these protesters, is fully in support of these protests with all the might that cheap, cheap words can provide. President Barry explains:

The United States joins with the international community in strongly condemning the violent and unjust suppression of innocent Iranian citizens, which has apparently resulted in tensions, injuries and even death.
...
Along with all free nations, the United States stands with those who seek their universal rights. We call upon the Iranian government to abide by the international obligations that it has to respect the rights of its own people. We call for the immediate release of all who have been unjustly detained within Iran. We will continue to bear witness to the extraordinary events that are taking place there. And I am confident that history will be on the side of those who seek justice.

So you see Iranian protesters, you have history and the rightness of your beliefs on your side. I really hope that's enough to withstand a basij guard and police force that is firing automatic weapons at you, because that's all we are going to provide right now; moral support from a distance.

Actually we do have one more thing to offer you: sanctions! Now I know what you Iranian protesters might be saying to yourselves, "How will sanctions that will almost invariably negatively affect the very people who are protesting, do additional harm to the freedom movement, while almost certainly not moving the Iranian government closer to any of your goals, actually help?" I don't know. But it will make us look tough and like we're taking substantive action, so shut up.

Fuck it, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to Twitter, clicking Settings, scrolling down to Location and putting in Tehran... in all caps. Maybe I'll add a few exclamation points. We'll see if I can't get this government toppled by mid-January at the latest.

Oh yeah, this is still happening

I don't want to alarm you, but you remember that whole Iranian Revolution thing? Brace yourselves for disappointment. Despite the fact we might have rotated green into our wardrobes a little more frequently, made our Twitter icons green, put our Twitter and Facebook locations as "Tehran", and actually paid attention until a pop star we hadn't thought about in a decade died, the revolution was not only not won by the revolutionaries, but it's still going on right now. Still! How many more green t-shirts does a guy have to buy?

Iran's opposition Green movement put on a powerful show of strength today against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as the hardline president repeated his notorious claim that the Nazi Holocaust was a "lie" designed to justify the existence of Israel.

Tens of thousands of people gathered in central Tehran to shout "death to the dictator" despite a heavy security presence and official warnings to the opposition not to hijack the Quds (Jerusalem) Day rally, the regime's annual display of solidarity with the Palestinians.

Ahmadinejad supporters mounted counter-demonstrations, leading to repeated scuffles between the two sides, news agencies reported.

Mir Hossein Mousavi, who claims he won June's election, was forced to abandon plans to take part after his car was attacked. Former president Mohammad Khatami, another leading reformist, was also said to have been assaulted by hardliners before being rescued by riot police.

That must have been a hell of a show, "death to the dictator" chants competing with "death to Israel" chants. It is nice to see that stealing an election, staging mock trials of supporters, and torturing and killing protesters hasn't dulled any of the sharp edges off of Ahmadinejad. He's still willing to go out there blame Zionists for all the wars, claim the Holocaust never happened, urge the Revolutionary Guard to beat anyone wearing green, and war monger with Israel all before he goes to address the UN General Assembly about Iran's nuclear ambitions. What a freedom suppressing scamp.

Fuck it, it's time to get serious now. I think it's clear that we failed to give the Iranian people enough moral support last time. I'm thinking we need to find an even better shade of green to change our Twitter and Facebook icons to. Pantone power, bitches! We change our Twitter location to "Tehran....you election stealing motherfuckers." We resist the urge to let our focus waver from blog updates, no matter how many celebrities die. Don't go looking to see if Dirty Dancing is available for rent on Netflix. Stay committed to the cause, Swayze would have wanted it that way. Once Ahmadinejad sees this and is subjected to the full brunt of a million snarky tweets and sarcastic live-blogs of his UN speech, he'll certainly think twice about rigging another election. I feel good about this. This is going to work so much better than last time. I'll see you on the Sherwin-Williams color fields of battle. I'm feeling 6734 Espalier or 6465 Shamrock.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.01

Baucus: Health Care Reform Will Happen This Year With Or Without GOP
Max Baucus wants you to know that we're all still on track for a "bipartisan" "compromise" on health care in his Finance Committee's "Gang of Six" negotiations. Sure, two of the three Republicans he's negotiating with, Grassley and Enzi, have overtly stated that they aren't interested in actually passing anything of use, are out there touting how destructive they've been to the process and how much they've helped delay reform, but Max is still convinced. They better watch out though, you cross Max Baucus sixty or seventy times and he'll start giving serious consideration to possibly not letting you have your way with him.

The Five Biggest Lies in the Health Care Debate
Newsweek is back with an addendum to their previous Seven Falsehoods About Health Care article. Isn't it nice to be blessed with so many falsehoods? We're moving beyond mere death panels (though death panels still are a feature) and into specific false claims like dirty Mexicanos gettin' free health care, you will be randomly assigned health care benefits irrespective to what you want or need, and no chemo for old people. That's all well and good, but what about the plan for the death panels to authorize Mexicans to kill grandma with radiation in return for free health care? How come no one's talking about that?

White House drug deal won't save money
What. A. Shocker. Who could have foreseen that cutting a deal with pharmaceutical companies wouldn't be great for them and shitty for us. Namely in that it weakens incentives for people to buy generic drugs and makes sure that the government subsidizes the more expensive brand names. But hey, at least we did get all those great ads

Right-Wing Extremists Protest Health Care Reform: “We Hate the United States!”
Oh Texas secessionists, you are so precious. What was supposed to be just a simple protest about the icy hand of socialism strangling grandma at her bridge game, morphed into cries of governmental tyranny, demands for secession, and proclamations of flag/America hate. It must suck for guys like Glenn Beck and Hannity. Here you are trying to do all this hard work coming up with crazy conspiracy theories to poison the health care debate and then that hard work gets tainted by even crazier people with even crazier ideas. Is there no justice?

Han Solo Was No Vo Nguyen Giap
Wished there were more serious conversations about counterinsurgency policy in Iraq and Afghanistan as compared to the strategy of the Rebel Alliance and Empire in Star Wars? The Center For A New American Security is there for you with discussions about the destruction of Alderaan vis-a-vis an effective counterinsurgency policy. Hopefully they'll eventually get into the co-opting of the Ewoks as a homegrown insurgency, but for now this is a good start.

Talk Like Warren Ellis
ATTENTION SCUM: I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU. Ever wished you could Tweet like Warren Ellis, but lacked the disdain for humanity, expressive vocabulary, consumptive cough, or proper vulgar descriptives? No worries, the internet is here for you, providing an nigh on inexhaustible Warren Ellis styled Twitter greeting generator. Finally the intarwubs has produced something useful...something important. With that said, good day, internet porn intestines. I hate you with the fire of ten suns.

The Only Twitter Feed Worth Reading, or, Why I Can't Wait to be Old

Seriously, between an entire wardrobe consisting solely of a bathrobe and black socks, to socially acceptable incontinence, to giving The Finger to every child I see, being old will probably be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Also, I get to make comments like this:

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

and this:

Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.

and especially this:

"They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."

The Glory lies here. You're welcome.

Broken In Brief: Twitter creator sorry that Twitter has given Ashton Kutcher additional fame

SAN FRANCISCO—Twitter creator Jack Dorsey publicly apologized today for the popular micro-blogging site's role in helping Ashton Kutcher retain his meager position on the outskirts of the public eye. The announcement, made in short 140 character bursts on Dorsey's personal Twitter feed, made it clear that he did not envision such a diabolical use of his invention when it was created.

“i would just like to aplgze 2 those who thought that punkd was the last they’d ever hear about kutcher,” Dorsey Tweeted through his personal account. “thought we were free and clr 1ce 70’s show canceled and movies bombd. was wrong. horrrbly wrong. 3,231,393 followers. no god. repeat: no god. had high hopes 4 this thing. now dashed on rocks of despair. @AplusK: stop, just stop. yr killing me.”

In a later press release, Twitter noted that it was sorry for promoting a “follower” battle between Kutcher and CNN, that it knows what it did was wrong, but that CNN shared most of the blame for devoting actual news time to the battle, getting caught up in the feelings of relevance it hadn’t felt in years, and treating the publicity stunt as though it were a news story of actual value.

“Again, we apologize, but we are not solely to blame, as at least 3 million people are complicit in this atrocity,” said the press release. “Can’t we all just forget about Kutcher and remember the good times Twitter has had? What about the Iranian thing? Wasn’t that great when we were being used as a news gathering and communication device for a revolution? What happened with that anyway? Please, our service can be used for so much more than the rampant promotion of a guy I'm not sure anybody even likes all that much. Seriously, think about it.”

Bilingual stupidity

As a service to our Spanish speaking TB readers, and really there has to be almost one of you, I wanted to point you all towards a new service being offered to you: Newt Gingrich! Tweeting! En espanol! Muy caliente!

You know, just in case all you in the Latino community didn't quite fully understand his myriad of denigrations towards your culture, language, peoples, status, countries of origin, and leaders over the years. Newtie is kind to the Spanish speaking cultures, deigning to translate his brilliance even if he feels you don't deserve it. He wants you to learn things, namely English. But if he must communicate in "the language of the ghetto" to teach you important things about which liberals you should be hating and exactly how racist Sonia Sotomayor is, then he will stoop to your level.

Where else will you learn about his appearances on Neil Cavuto's show to talk about some $16 million "mouse" Nancy Pelosi is building? Why is el diablo Pelosi constructing such a large and expensive rat? Who knows, but it is probably completely unrelated to the fact that that Newt doesn't know casa is actually the word for house. Newt Tweeting in Spanish despite not knowing words you learn on the first day of Spanish class? That's just some of the brilliance you'll be on the receiving end of, Latinos. Now we're not the only ones who have to listen to and understand him, you have to suffer along with us.

Questions

• Does Al Franken realize that now he's a Senator in the Democratic Party using the phrase "I'm ready to get to work" constitutes the biggest joke he's told in years? Don't worry if you don't get it, Al. I'm sure either Harry Reid will explain it to you or it'll slowly dawn on you over the next few months.


• Are we almost done with articles on Al Franken using the phrase "no joke", "getting serious", some other humor pun, or otherwise making reference to the fact that he used to be a comedian? We get it: he used to be a joke writer. No need to start off every article amazed by the fact that he didn't throw a banana cream pie or pile out of a clown car.


• How long is Sarah Palin allowed to use the Twitter handle AKGovSarahPalin? Are ExAKGovSarahPalin and QuitterSarahPalin already taken? I just want to know which handle to follow so I won't be deprived of her 140 character wisdom.

Twitterslam!

New York Jets kicker Jay Feely is planning for life after football. Not content to merely do things like miss three field goals in a game, he has career aspirations. He wants to be the next Sean Hannity. Why? Who knows, perhaps it's his distinct lack of a human soul. But the man is off to a good start. Just look at his interview on Hannity's program which was notable for the strange Obama conspiracy theories Feely trafficked in and the masterful way in which Hannity never allowed you to see his lips move when Feely talked or get a glimpse of his hand up Feely's rectum for the intense puppetry work.

But before Feely went to debase himself in front of his God, he Tweeted to his fans that they should send him questions they would want him to ask Hannity. Rich Eisen, former ESPN man and current NFL Network anchor, offered up this query.

@jayfeely Ask him if he has a conscience.

Well played sir. The next Jets Cam segment is going to be awkwaaaaaard.

Twitter the revolution

Among many things this Iranian protest business has brought us is the development of Twitter as something more than a way for Shaq to baffle and entertain us with his grammar, spelling, and proclamations. It has developed into a seemingly vital tool for organization and new gathering in Iran and as a means for heaping torrents of abuse on GOP members who think of themselves as comparable to Iranian protesters.

Via Jeff Clark comes the Iranian Twitter Word Cloud, which seeks to chart the usage of words of Iranian people in Twitter posts in real time. If you go to his site the green fist world cloud is interactive and each word links you to Twitter posts on Iran using that word. Give it a look.

Picture of the day: Ahmadijinescared

From the good people at the International Society for Human Rights. Also, should you Twitter, we advocate switching your location to Tehran so as to better confuse the assholes trying to limit the amount of information coming out of that country during these protests.

Broken News: Paranoid anti-totalitarian employs online social networking

SEATTLE—Today the greater Seattle area was shocked to learn that area man Nick Scofield, who came to local prominence after his arrest for a nude protest of what he termed “the pervasive surveillance police state” and illegal wiretapping during the 5th inning of a Mariners/Indians baseball game last year, was keeping anyone with computer access updated of his whereabouts through the popular web application Twitter.

"Going down to shop at Standish’s Market before lunch with members of EarthFirst at Mary’s All Organic Café" was the timestamped message that greeted followers of his feed mid-morning. This was the sixth in what would eventually be 17 updates of Scofield's itinerary, location, activities, and lists of people he was meeting with, as well as references to discussions in which he'd engaged.

“I just think that this is an important tool that can be used to keep friends and family updated as to one’s daily goings-on in a way that e-mails and blogging simply can’t do,” Mr. Schofield said as he left his home to a protest against the immunity given to telecoms for conducting illegal surveillance on the American people. “I think these tools are becoming increasingly important to help people organize and speak out against the overbearing surveillance state foisted upon them by an unsympathetic government. What better way to keep your fellow freedom fighters informed than through hourly updates describing your every righteous move and detailing your next step towards liberation?"

Dr. Aaron Harrington, lead ACLU counsel on electronic privacy matters, was unavailable for comment. According to his Facebook status, Dr. Harrington had left his Washington DC offices early for a weekend family retreat to Vermont, where his wife and two high school-aged children would be staying at the Humble Inn Bed & Breakfast, thirteen miles northeast of Burlington, in rooms 7 and 8.

Fears over government surveillance and wiretapping have increased over the past few weeks as news stories have revealed governmental abuses of wiretapping within the NSA, the inadequacy of laws to prevent such measures, and even a sitting US Congresswoman being wiretapped.

“I just can’t believe the abuses,” remarked US Congresswoman Jane Harman (D-CA), who was caught up in a shady NSA probe. “I just think that if it can happen to me, it can happen to any American citizen. Actually, I don’t think that, I know that. Mostly because I helped authorize and support these spying measures and only got outraged when I found out they betrayed me and used the law I helped use to gut legal oversights to wiretap me. They only stopped spying on me because they thought it would harm any chance of my supporting new and even more invasive wiretap legislation. I fear that other Americans need to take heed, because they won’t be given this colossally hypocritical opportunity. Strike that: I know they won’t.”

Such concerns have only driven Mr. Scofield to expand the scope of his efforts. Since his arrest, Scofield has started a wordpress blog, youcantseeme, and a LiveJournal account to keep a diary of his daily life. Scofield has also joined Facebook, where he lists all his friends and acquaintances, expanded his Flickr site to include more photo documentation of his daily life, added a Google maps application to his Blackberry so friends can see where he is on a city map at any given second of the day, and has moved his Twittering beyond simple flashes of what he is doing to his exact “of the moment” thoughts.

“If the Feds want to come and take me in for opposing their Big Brother moves, then I want the world to know where I was and what I was thinking, with clear notation of most of my activities, thoughts, meeting places and known accomplices for the preceding months. So people know exactly who I am and what I stood for,” Scofield said in the midst of Twittering ‘interviewing with reporter about the oppressive nature of constant monitoring’ from his Blackberry.

When asked to reconcile his opposition to government wiretapping with the sheer volume of information he provides to anyone willing to look, whether a phonetap could ever glean as much information as any of the methods he was freely providing, and to address the whole semi-hypocritical premise of this satirical article, Mr. Scofield paused. As his eyes widened and his mouth stood agape, the full brunt of the irony hitting him, he could only remark “Oh, yeah... This whole web 2.0 thing doesn’t seem as smart or helpful in retrospect, does it?”

Job of the day

Due to the economy collapsing and everyone losing their jobs, we find it is our duty to notify our almost assuredly destitute and jobless audience of impending job opportunities. Today's opportunity? Let me ask you this: do you like greasy chain pizza? Do you like talking about it on the internet in 140 characters or less?

JOB TITLE Summer Twintern

JOB TITLE, TRANSLATED A summer intern who uses Twitter.

JOB CATEGORY Hot pizza/social media

SALARY Competitive (with other Twitterers).

JOB PURPOSE To attend advertising shoots, product meetings and other corporate events. “They’ll be our social media journalist, chronicling in 140 characters or less what’s going on at Pizza Hut,” said Bob Kraut, the vice president for marketing communications at the company. The Twintern must also play social-media defense, monitoring Twitter for any mentions of the brand and alerting superiors whenever anything negative about the Hut is being said.

Now there are conditions. You have to hate yourself, you have to subsume your own identity for one that worships at the altar of "the Hut", and you have to move to Dallas....because tweeting about the Meat Lover's Deluxe has to be done with the supervision of a manager within the corporate structure of an office. You can start mailing in applications today. Happy job hunting.

For the love of God.....

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter. You little 140 character word vomiter you. You're taking off, everyone loves you, and everyone wants to be a part of you, especially those in the entertainment industry. But of course this is America and it turns out that celebrities can't even be bothered to type in the most mundane details of their lives anymore. They have to hire ghost writers for their Twitter posts. Ghost writers for a 140 character blurb. I hate this country.

The rapper 50 Cent is among the legion of stars who have recently embraced Twitter to reach fans who crave near-continuous access to their lives and thoughts. On March 1, he shared this insight with the more than 200,000 people who follow him: “My ambition leads me through a tunnel that never ends.”

Those were 50 Cent’s words, but it was not exactly him tweeting. Rather, it was Chris Romero, known as Broadway, the director of the rapper’s Web empire, who typed in those words after reading them in an interview.
...
But someone has to do all that writing, even if each entry is barely a sentence long. In many cases, celebrities and their handlers have turned to outside writers — ghost Twitterers, if you will — who keep fans updated on the latest twists and turns, often in the star’s own voice.

At the very least it's a new employment opportunity during these harsh times. Plus if you get this job and then everyone finds out you're the guy behind Kanye's Twitter, there's a 50/50 shot you'll be more respected than Hemingway in today's culture.

Among the many shocking revelations in this explosive article that shatters our perceptions of reality there is one reassurance: THE_REAL_SHAQ is really Shaq and he doesn't have any damn assistants doing it for him. Praise Jesus, I don't know what I would have done if I found out the daily "RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS" were phony. At least there's one man staying true to the people.

Broken News: Boxer massacred during ‘in fight’ Twitter posting

LAS VEGAS—Boxer Ignacio “Boom Boom” Perez is recovering in a local hospital after suffering what ringside doctors termed “a severe and merciless beating” in his WBC-sanctioned 8th round knockout loss against #7 ranked Mickey Finnegan last night. The Dominican welterweight left himself open to the final barrage of blows that put him in the emergency room when it appeared his mid-round update to his Twitter feed distracted him from the advance of his opponent and his two-handed typing style rendered him unable to block the blows or counter punch.

“It was brutal,” noted Perez’s corner man and trainer Danny Lombardi. “We’re out there telling him to counterattack ‘cause we really needed to pick up some rounds if this goes to the judges. Suddenly he pulls his Blackberry out and tells us he’s gotta keep his followers updated on the fight and starts tapping away. Finnegan was a little perplexed there for a minute, but when his corner told him that Boom Boom was talking shit on Mickey on his feed, that Mick went to town.”

“Of course it didn’t help that Iggy was telegraphing his moves on Twitter and Finnegan’s corner was relaying the messages into him. ‘Gonna feint left then come in with the right uppercut.’ Stuff like that. Then he just decided to start hitting him when he was typing,” Lombardi sighed. “All the prep we went through: weights, running, sparring. It turns out we should have spent more time getting him to learn to type without having to look at the keypad.”

The trend of athletes using Twitter or blogs is nothing new, with many top athletes from Shaquille O’Neal to Gilbert Arenas communicating with their fans in this manner. But that trend has only moved into “of the moment” coverage in the last few weeks. It began with Charlie Villanueva, a forward for the Milwaukee Bucks, Twittering the halftime speech of his coach during a March 15th contest against the Celtics, but has grown to include sprinter Usain Bolt, who liveblogged his 200m victory this weekend at the Tokyo Track Championships, and Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis, who blogged about the Fed’s new monetary policy from the on-deck circle of a Spring Training game against the Orioles.

Perez, nicknamed the People’s Champion because of the close level of contact he kept with his fans through blogging, e-mail, online chats, and public appearances, had only recently joined Twitter, but became quickly enamored with its potential to keep his fans updated on his daily goings on and to help build the Perez brand.

“Yeah with boxing kind of going in the shitter over the past decade, you really need to start thinking outside the box,” remarked business manager and friend Tony Grant. “He hadn’t hit that level where random weigh-in fights, rape trials, and reality shows were going to get him that recognition so he decided to build his brand through incessant, meaningless communication with his fans. Unfortunately he’s also slightly retarded. Either the blows piled up over the years or he’s just not very smart in the first place. Yes new media is exciting, but there’s a time and place for it. The middle of a fight probably isn’t it.”

Sources close to the pugilist hope that this is a lesson learned, that Mr. Perez will keep his blogging and Twittering confined to the pre and post match periods as well as only in between rounds. These same sources note that they don’t have high hopes for the lesson sticking, noting that as of this morning Perez had started a Tumblelog, Twittered about his hospital breakfast and the attractiveness of his nurses, updated his Facebook status to “Ignacio Perez feels like his head got fucked by a Mack truck”, and had de-friended Mr. Finnegan.

Yeah, but what did he think of Euphoria Morning

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, musing on the quality of former Soundgarden/Audioslave frontman Chris Cornell's Timbaland produced solo album, Scream.

You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable? Heard Chris Cornell's record? Jesus.

So he shouldn't do his next album with Lil' Jon, Trent?

Still a nicer quote than Allmusic's "Scream is one of those rare big-budget disasters, an exercise in misguided ambition that makes no sense outside of pure theory" review.