Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Slap iron with the Lord

What's been our biggest fear ever since Obama was elected. Besides him stealing the white man's shit to give it to black people. Besides socialism. Besides him flaunting his Kenyan birth. Besides him letting Joe Biden use adult scissors.

That's right, Obama's jackbooted thugs kicking open the door to a church, dragging Jesus out in handcuffs, and tossing him in a jail cell to rot. Well, no more. You hear me Obama! NO MORE! Jesus will be protected!
Louisiana state Rep. Henry Burns (R) has introduced a bill in the Louisiana House that would allow churches to institute a "security plan" enabling congregants with concealed weapons permits to carry guns into churches and temples.

According to a Burns spokesperson, "we buy fire extinguishers in case there's a fire," and allowing churchgoers to carry concealed is just the "final stage of security" for places of worship.

House Bill 68 would allow a church or temple to authorize an unlimited number of congregation members to bring their guns into church, according to the individual church's own guidelines.
Glad to see there's not some pressing matter lapping at Louisiana's shores. Good to see that the elected betters of the state are able to move forward with this priority.

Let's just add church to the list of places where people feel that they are in danger of having someone goad them into an actual dick measuring contest and they feel the need to flash iron to avert a certain loss. That makes it Obama speeches, tea parties, bars and restaurants that serve alcohol, national parks, trains, schools, colleges, and... anywhere... without a permit to the myriad of news places where guns are viewed as needed. Why yes, that last example was from Arizona. Thanks for asking.

So now you concerns of "What if I'm reading Paul's letters to the Thessalonians and Gungans... and a pitched, John Woo style gun battle breaks out? Will the man finally let me legally whip out a glock and fire back?" have finally been addressed. Though only in Louisiana. Everywhere else the Lord is still in danger of taking a hollow point in the cross. We can't allow that to happen. He already used up His one resurrection.

Still, stay vigilant. I hear there's a plot that involves a man of Middle Eastern heritage showing up in flowing white robes and telling the faithful of how the end is nigh. That's when you're going to have to pull out the guns and tell him NOT ON OUR WATCH! Then it'll be safe for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jesus to safely come take us all up to Heaven.

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