Thursday, May 20, 2010


We all love the Olympics. The pomp, the circumstance, the athletes, the competition. But when you ask people "what do the Olympics need to add" you get one clear answer. The answer you used to get was "A tightly regimented, visually appealing opening ceremony performance from an oppressive communist country." But since Beijing, those wishes have subsided. Now the first thing people say is "Olympic mascots that not only look like giant penises with arms, but seem to be wholly conceived as a reference to a slang term for the penis."

London 2012 gives you Wenlock and Mandeville... the one eyed monsters.

No, no, it all makes sense. See:
The mascots have been given a back story, created by acclaimed author and former children’s laureate Michael Morpurgo, based around the idea that they were formed from the last drops of steel left over from girders made for the Olympic Stadium.
Ahh,that's why they look like giant dancing cocks. Sure beats the pants of Atlanta 1996's Izzy... the dancing blue sperm in sneakers.

So thank you London for allowing what is evidently some large scale prank by giggling teenagers to slip by the 80 year-old Lords, Sirs, and Barons who were probably running this thing. Much thanks to the 20 and 30 year-olds who never spoke up to point this out.

We know you weren't going to wow us with the opening ceremonies, as 30 Rock explained... you don't have control over your people like that. But thanks for giving us the next best thing: two penis shaped "one-eyed monsters... *wink*" as mascots. The world thanks you and eagerly awaits the London games.

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