Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Cheap Blogging Crutch - 5.11.10

If you're wondering about the picture above, I've got nothing for you. An image with that much Awesome packed into it requires no explanation whatsoever. To the links!

Last month a Seattle police officer detained an innocent Latino man and allegedly threatened to “beat the [expletive] Mexican piss out” of him. As much as I hope that justice is served and the cop is tossed in jail, where I'm sure he'll be very popular, I have to ask: why "Mexican piss"? Brevity suggests the universal shorthand "Corona" would be more appropriate.

While we're on the subject of criminal behavior on the part of the authorities, the Chicago Police Department will not press charges against a CVS employee who chased down and strangled to death a man who had shoplifted a tube of toothpaste. While an officer was on the scene, no less. One can only presume the predictably black suspect would have escaped with his life had he opted for the Extra Whitening.

Not content with war profiteering and murder abroad, Satan's cock wart defense contractor Blackwater/Xe has launched SnapScouts, a mobile phone application that enables America's youth to spy on on neighbors. I applaud this, as kids need to learn about mercenary armies and lawless international behavior as soon as possible. Actually, it turns out that this is fake, but you have to admire the satire, especially when it involves so many 1984 references.

The lovely and intrepid Daniela Perdomo points out that in the three weeks since Deepwater Horizon asploded, the American government hasn't exactly taken up the mantle of disciplinarian. In fact, while pistol-whipping the petroleum industry in the press and at pointless congressional finger-pointing sessions hearings, the Interior Department has quietly approved 27 new permits for offshore drilling. In similar news, Glenn Beck is PETA's new spokesperson.

We end, as always, with The Funny, today taking the form of the most epic Hipster text message break-up of all time. Ladies, when are you going to learn that you can't text message breakup?

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