So a Mormon is visiting New York City for the weekend. Upon checking into her hotel, the Mormon says to the clerk, "I do hope your pornography is disabled."
The clerk replies, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck!"
A Spanish mathematician has created a dynamical model based on the second law of thermodynamics. Why is this important? The model explains marital breakups. Still no conclusive proof of the female orgasm. Also, still no cure for cancer.
Newly crowned Miss USA, Rima Fakih, wasted little time in arriving at the mandatory scandal when these pictures of her pole dancing surfaced earlier today. The real tragedy here is that the public slut shaming is likely to distract from all of the "Oh noes, a Mooslim Miss 'Merica!" we would have enjoyed for the next week or so.
Speaking of our remarkable progress toward gender equality, this Joslyn James/Rachel Uchitel dust-up is turning into a heartbreaking commentary on the continued pussification of powerful American men. Tiger Woods has already coughed up $10 million in hush money. Frank Sinatra would've had both these broads killed months ago. Whither the mistress who keeps her yap shut if she knows what's good for her?
Two BP refineries in the US have been slapped with 97% of the "egregious willful" safety violations observed by federal regulators since 2007. Anybody else wondering why OSHA even has the "egregious willful" category? Shouldn't it just be the "shut the fuck down" category? Or is that reserved for violations that fall into the "malicious and vindictive evil" or "Bond villain type-shit" categories?
That's all for today. I leave you with the wisdom of Tracy Morgan.