Monday, May 10, 2010

Your new liberal Satan

"Chicks on the bench! I am literally thrilled about these developments. Wait till I tell Flo about this!"
"Mr. President, he's not going to speak about me or give me another awkward massage, is he?"
"No, on the former, probably on the latter. I'll call Rahm and see it we can't find Joe a skee-ball machine to occupy his time with."

President Obama has nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to be his choice to replace the retiring John Paul Stevens on the highest court in the land. We look forward to the kabuki confirmation process where her not answering any questions that reveal any kind of judicial thought is heralded as a necessary part of being selected to sit on the Supreme Court.

On the other hand, her confirmation is about to get all kinds of politically stupid, what with her alternately being the most accomplished nominee in the history of mankind/a liberal fascist set to yoke us under the brutal command of socialist abortion doctors who are also illegal Muslim -Mexican immigrants. So, we decided to perform a public service and give you the pros and cons of her nomination so you can be informed.

Pro: Either looks like American Comedian Kevin James or British Comedian David Mitchell, so is probably very funny.
Con: In perusing her writings I have found nothing as funny as this.

Pro: As an Obama court pick, it would be assumed that she holds all kinds of liberal positions.
Con: No, not really.

Pro: Would probably support a lot of things liberals support, right?
Con: Nope. Supports the ideological framework of the Bush/Cheney war on terror, the "rightness" behind their efforts, has spent her time as Solicitor General defending the Bush/Cheney and, to a slightly lesser extent, Obama approach to executive power, and isn't that great on civil liberties either.

Pro: Has a limited record and paper trail outlining her ideas.
Con: Wait, that's a good thing? Seriously? Doesn't sound like it.

Pro: As Papa Joe says, "Chicks on the bench!"
Con: Recent science suggest that the female uterus unmoors the basic fundamentals of our legal system and warps the legalistic underpinning of reality. Probably has something to do with estrogen.

Pro: Isn't a "goat fucking, child molester".
Con: That'll probably lose her both of Florida Senator's Bill Nelson and George LeMieux's votes.

Pro: Lots of people say we should take a leap of faith with Obama on this one and trust him.
Con: How'd that work out on health care, financial reform, environmental legislation, rolling back Bush era power grabs, ending the war on terror...

Pro: Nice, safe, middle of the road pick.
Con: Nice, safe, middle of the road pick.

Pro: Still, she'd ostensibly move the court to the left..... right?
Con: Nope. Weren't you paying attention? Considerably more conservative than Stevens.

Pro: Non-judge, so probably less judgmental.
Con: Maybe a judge is what you want sitting on the highest court in the land.

Pro: If she has such a conservative bent on civil liberties and executive power, then she won't be attacked by the right for being a leftist peacenik, right?
Con: What, were you born last fucking week or something?

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