Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Bull Durham will fix this Gulf thing

Who do we look to when environmental crises are afoot? Celebrities. No, I'm not kidding. In their efforts to be holier than thou on a range of issues, mostly on the environment and humanitarian needs, celebrities go the full nine in learning about an issue so they can get bonus points for seeming smart. And it works to humanity's benefit. Just look at Bono in Africa, Angelina Jolie for the UN and refugees, or Sean Hannity for the families of soldiers. Actually, discount that last one.

Hell, Jack Nicholosn was touting hydrogen cars and solar power three decades ago. We should have listened to him.

So now with the oil spill in the Gulf, no one clear on how much oil there is or where it's going, no one sure if the leak was even completely plugged, our betters largely acting as if they're unaware of underwater oil hazards, better oil dispersant technology going unused and tests being needlessly delayed, isn't it time we turned to Kevin Costner? No, seriously.

97%? If that's true and can be deployed large scale, I promise to buy two copies of Mr. Brooks and see that Coast Guard rescue movie that he made with *shudders* Ashton Kutcher. Apparently Costner has been funding this project for 15 years, which was spearheaded by his brother, who is a scientist.

So let's get Kev out there in with a pump on a semi-futuristic boat, have Dennis Hopper fire guns at him while chain smoking, and we'll call it Waterworld 2. It'll entertain and help clean up a large scale environmental disaster. Hey, Costner in a pontoon couldn't do a worse job than BP.

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